cold and a new gsd file

Apparently we're now paying for our mild winter. It's been cold here, freezing for April. We've had a frost warning over night for 5 days now, temps have been below 32 at night. I had to bring my tomato plants in - thank goodness Stephen didn't want to till up a garden spot this year so I had put them in pots!

Exercise is frustrating. I've been busting my rear for a month now and only lost 2 lbs, which keep trying to come back. I've hurt my thigh ( I think it's a partial tear), and my foot still flares up most days. I'm never going to lose weight in time for our vacation at this rate. :(

I submitted a new file for the Cutters Market. Here's a picture of it. It should be up in the next day or two. You should be able to find it here:

www.sussann.cuttersmarket.com

I hope to do a few more "coffee" inspired files in the next week or two.

Vacation time is here. I'm off work next week and I'm soooo looking forward to it. I'm burned out, stressed out and need some me time. I just hope it warms up so I can work in the yard some.

gsd files, walking and spring

I've been working on some new files. I'm going to try posting them on www.cuttersmarket.com. Here's a direct link to my store. sussann.cuttersmarket.com It may take a couple of days for the files to be posted, so please check back from time to time. Any files you'd like to see made, especially titles, drop me a comment and I'll see what I can do.

I've been working out again. Fingers crossed, I *think* my foot is good to go. I went to the gym a couple of days a week for a couple of weeks and didn't end up in agony. So last week I went for it. I went 4 days, did 60 mins, 45 mins, 40 mins and 40 mins. I even jogged a little each day. I'm so hoping this is the answer for my foot. Altho I have to say, dieting and exercising makes for a horrible depression!

I guess it's really spring - or maybe that should say summer. We've had 4 days in a row of 80+ temps. We went from needing the heat to needing the air conditioner. It won't be long before we need to get the lawn mower out and tackle the yard. The first time mowing always seems to be the hardest because everything is in such horrible, shabby shape. I have some tulips that have bloomed, and a few daffodils. I'll take some pics and see if I end up with anything blog-worthy.

two new cutter files

I have a couple of new cutter files to share. The first one is an arrow - U shaped. I know we can't cut chip board, but I still thought it might be nice to have. Maybe cut two of it, and layer them with pop dots in between?

The second file is a belated Valentine file. It's a heart with the words Be Mine welded to it. It has a mat also.

I'll try to add pictures later tonight. I haven't scanned in my cut files yet, so I can't post them just now.

Here are the links:

http://www.4shared.com/file/11575404/ee70580b/arrowU.html - EXPIRED

and

http://www.4shared.com/file/11575403/7014cda8/Be_Mine.html - EXPIRED

I went out with the girls last night while Stephen was at scuba class. We had dinner and went to see The Astronaut Farmer. It was okay, but would have been a better rental in my opinion. It was nice to get out and do something with the girls.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I'm so glad it's Friday. VERY long week and I'm dog-tired. Too bad the temps are supposed to plummet over night. It would have been nice to work out in the yard tomorrow.

A quick layout and some thoughts and a GSD file

Here's a quick layout I did for a challenge for a group I'm in. It uses Club Scrap paper. Just a quick, down and dirty layout, but at least I scrapped a little.

Nothing new here. Stephen was in a little better mood last night. Thank goodness. Wednesday he came home from work to discover I had bought him a box of Samoa Girl Scout cookies (I won't eat these because I hate coconut) and he lost it on me. Yelled and screamed, told me I was trying to sabotage his diet and how dare I not be support of him. He really was an a** about the whole thing. I took them to work yesterday and gave them away. Ungrateful snot.

Still not feeling too good. My sinus infection is some better, but the infection part doesn't seem to be clearing up. I have two days of antibiotics left, so maybe that will finally knock it. My foot is feeling better. I hope to start trying to walk again next week. I'll have to go slow and see how it feels. I have to get back in to some sort of weight loss regime. The podiatrist told me last time I saw him to stay off the exercise bike, so that really limits what I can do.

And it's Friday. Thank goodness! Seems like such a long, miserable week. The weather is starting to warm up and we even have sun today. Sure wish I could be home on the deck, reading or scrapping.

And lastly, here's a GSD file for Wishblade and CraftRobo users.

http://www.4shared.com/file/11140634/2d361752/birthday_with_mat.html - EXPIRED

I'm sorry I don't have a picture to post. I forgot to scan the cut file last night before I watched Grey's. It's a birthday cake with the words Happy Birthday. I hope some of you can use it. Please let me know if you have any comments or suggestions on it.

Valentine's? Bah hum bug!

Or at least that's apparently Stephen's opinion of the holiday. The first of the month, I suggested that, if he got a wild hair to buy me flowers at the last minute (like he normally does) to not, that there was something cheaper from Wal-Mart that I would really rather have. He said he hadn't planned on doing anything but a card. So I said that's fine. And then he said we might go out to eat the weekend before or the weekend after, since it was a week night and things are so busy and crowded during the week on holidays. Okay, sounded fine to me. Until Wed night when I tried to give him his Valentine's day card. He had a fit. Said it wasn't time for them. Said we were doing cards this weekend when we went out to eat. Ah, uh, okay. Whatever. Makes zero sense to me and really hurt my feelings, bad.

Fast forward to this Saturday. Bear in mind I've been sick all week and didn't feel like going out to eat this weekend. He mentioned about 3pm, "oh, we need to do Valentine's cards but my card for you is downstairs and I don't want to have to go down and get it, we'll do them later". Ah, okay, again, I guess. So I'm seeing really quickly that it's too much effort for him to have to walk down the steps to get my card. Gee, that really made my hurt feelings better. So I take my card down later that evening and he never mentions it again. Sunday he mentions in passing "we didn't do cards" and "why didn't you remind me"? Well you know, big guy, if I have to remind you to give me a card, then it really doesn't mean much does it? But I didn't say it. STILL he doesn't go get my card.

This morning I am getting ready to leave for work and find a card by my keys and purse. It's not a valentine's day card. It's a generic "love you" card. He wrote inside it something lame about how he doesn't need a holiday to be told when to tell me he loves me or some other BS like that. And he doesn't even sign it love Stephen - he signs it "your husband". I'm just crushed beyond words. I KNEW he had forgotten to get me a real card, and this just proves it. I'm so hurt and upset I don't know how to express my feelings. I know it's "just a holiday" to him but he KNOWS it's not to me. How dare he cast my feelings in the mud like this? Men!!

check out my friend's digital kits!

Check out Amy's digital kits!!

Is she just not the most talented? You can find Amy's kits here:
http://www.the-lilypad.com/digitaldesigner.aspx?mid=25

I love this snowman kit. I hope we get some snow this year so I can scrap with it.

And then, check out this one! I love this one too.
Stop by and check her out!



There's nothing new going on here. My foot still hurts, I'm depressed and can't get motivated to even do the stupid bike at the gym. I'm feeling old and useless. And alone. Stephen signed up to take diving lessons so he can get certified to go scuba diving. Never mind we don't live near the ocean. Supposedly there are "lots" of places he and his friends can go diving during the year. I guess I should be grateful that he's not out getting drunk or carousing with a woman. But instead I feel alone and left out. How sad that all of my friends are miles and miles away. I'm sure this is just my winter funk. My turning another year older and no one cares pity party. But it's getting harder and harder to get through each one.

2007

I can't believe the year is gone and we're already 16 days in to the new year. It seems like just yesterday we were talking about the July 4th holiday. I never believed my parents when I was growing up, but time really does fly as you get older.

Here's my first & second layouts of 2007. The title/paper piecing is a file that I got from The Wishblading Well for the Wishblade/Craft Robo. That was my Christmas this year - a Craft Robo. I love how easy it is to cut anything. Now to learn how to make my own stuff!





I went to the dr on the 28th. I actually saw a different dr, one who was known to give shots in the foot for planters fasciata. I have to say, it was one of the most painful things I've endured, a shot right in the heel of my foot. It helped for a couple of weeks, but now the burning in my foot is back. I have an appt to see a podiatrist on the 17th. I'm hoping and praying he can find a more permanent solution, but I'm not holding my breath. It's frustrating me so much, and making me very, very depressed. The bike at the gym kills my knees and I'm not burning hardly any calories when I do it. This weight is never going to come off.

some fall pics and thoughts

This is the tree behind our garage. I think it's the prettiest it's been since we bought the house. I was so afraid we weren't going to have any color at all this year, so it was a nice surprise to see some red's and yellow's on our Maple tree.

I love fall. I love the crisp bite to the air, the cooler mornings, the break from the heat and humidity. But I hate the time change. I hate coming home from work in the dark, I hate that we have such a short fall and then winter is on us almost immediately.

We've already had a couple of fires in our fireplace this year. It's just been so cold at night. It got down to 31 last night, and I'm so not ready for that.

I looked at the calendar this morning, really looked at it, for the first time in a few weeks. Thanksgiving is three weeks away. Let me say that again THREE weeks away! Hello? How did it get to be the holidays? And Christmas? Christmas is 52 days away. Thank goodness my Christmas shopping is all done!

My foot is still messed up. It's hurting, even with my Nikes on all day long. I'm out of meds, and the dr was pretty clear that I shouldn't come back before two weeks are up. Needless to say, I'm not getting on the treadmill, and I'm scared to step on the scales because I've been as hungry as a rhino lately.

Packer Pumpkin

I found these neat NFL pumpkin patterns at NFLShop.com. We've only carved one pumpkin so far, but I thought it was too cute. I have two more pumpkins waiting to be carved, so I guess we'd best get with it tomorrow.

It's been a rough few weeks. I'm back up a pound, and I'm so disappointed. I've managed to mess my foot up pretty bad, so bad I finally broke down and went to the dr today so I could get a note. A note that will hopefully convince my bosses that it's okay if I wear sneakers to work instead of dress shoes. Rather hard to lose weight when you can't walk. *sigh*

our new "baby" as Stephen calls it

Friday we traded in my car for a new Liberty. Stephen calls it "baby". Funny, he names all his vehicles and I haven't named any of the cars I've driven. His first new truck was "Big G". The truck he has now is "Double B". We drove it to my hometown Saturday so I could change out the flowers on my Dad's grave. I think we're really going to like it.

I've had a rough couple of days already this week. My legs were hurting me so bad Monday and Tuesday (from working all weekend shoveling gravel) that I could barely walk on the treadmill. And while today my hamstrings are better, I've been craving sweets so bad! I'm afraid I've sabotaged myself this week. *sigh* Maybe I can do better tomorrow.

I'm excited about Lost tonight. And I've been enjoying Studio 60. Grey's.....well, I'm still not sure. I'm still ticked about how they handled the Denny/Izzy thing, I'm very ticked about Mer and Derek, and I'm not too happy with how the first two episodes have gone. Time will tell I guess.

Today's quote: Follow the path of your heart.

Finally!

Finally! Finally! Finally!! The stupid scale has finally moved! It took 35 days, but the scale finally is down a pound (185). I've been so frustrated and upset, ready to give up and just say forget it. But finally that stupid scale has moved. Here's hoping the next pound doesn't take as long to come off.


Enjoy what each day gives you.

I've left my little quote display on this quote for a week or so, hoping it would inspire me. Instead I look at it and think how hard it is to find something good in the day when so many things suck. So maybe it's time to list 5 good things about today and flip the quote.

1. The sun is shining and it's a beautiful day (even if I am stuck inside all day).
2. It's Friday, and I don't have to get up early in the morning unless I want to.
3. Fall is here. The air is crisp and it's cold in the morning when I get up (45 degrees this morning) so maybe the heat is finally gone.
4. It's payday.
5. I don't have a headache or migraine today.

Storms and donating blood

We've been having really bad storms last night and we're expecting more all weekend. So far we haven't had any more damage than a few limbs down. Altho today we're under a flood warning and they're calling for more severe storms than last night and possibly "very large" hail.

I donated blood Thursday night after work. I guess I'm going to have to quit donating. This is what my arm looks like this morning. It still hurts too. I have a really bad knot where the needle was and pain up in between my elbow and wrist.

I think today will be a lazy day. Maybe some scrapping, maybe a nap. Maybe just nothing. :)

.....and 27 days.....

......so now we're at 27 days and I'm at 186. I'm all over the place. Monday I was back up to 189. Yesterday I was down to 185.5. Today back up to 186. I'm just so damn frustrated I can't stand it any more. This is so freakin' unfair. I'm busting my ass and I can't get a break.......

Stephen tells me "you're toning up tho and looking better". Yeah? How could you tell? Is my fat not as flabby as before? Is my gut only disgusting instead of majorly disgusting? Is my ass getting any smaller? Ah, no. So shut up!! I don't care if I'm so toned I could bounce a quarter off my stomach as long as it still looks as fat as it does now.

I honestly think I'm ready to give up on this. I've been dealing with a sore heal for two weeks now too. It feels fine so long as I can wear my Nikes, but as soon as I put my dress shoes on to go to work, it's hurting again. By the end of the day I can barely stand to walk on it. And why? All so I can burn 400 calories in the morning and STILL not lose any freakin' weight....

......okay enough of my pity party, I'm done for the day......at least tomorrow is Friday......that's about the only bright spot I can see today.....

Tuesday blahs

My funk continues. If someone should happen to read this (which I don't think anyone does anymore) I won't bore you with the details. Let's just say, more of the same.

The weather has cooled off here. We had rain yesterday and today it's nice, sunny, around 70. There's a hint of fall in the air finally.

Club Scrap has announced their digital kits will be available starting 9/25. VERY excited about that. I hope it's as great as I think it will be - COULD be - any way.

Wish it was quitting time. So tired, of every one and every thing. :(

19 days

It's been 19 days since I've lost any weight. Worse, I'm back up to 188 this morning. I've been yo-yoing most of these 19 days, but never below 186. I am so depressed I honestly don't know how I can continue. I've been busting my butt these last three weeks. I've even increased the incline up to 7.0 this last week, which puts me up in to the "Endurance" mode on the treadmill - which means I'm burning about 120 more calories every morning before work. All it's doing is making me hungrier. Seems the more I exercise and burn, the hungrier I feel. I've been trying to eat right, and when I do allow myself a treat, it's low fat/low cal (like fat free ice cream or a low fat brownie).

Plus I'm back at work. That doesn't help anyone's attitude. Being on vacation just reinforces how much I hate this place and the people I work with.

And my headaches are back. I had a horrible one Saturday and a full blown migraine last night. I give up. I guess I'm going to stop taking the Topamax. To take it at a level that seems to control the headaches, I'm a basket case of nerves. I can't afford to see a Neurologist right now, so I guess I'll have to live with this for a while longer.

So, who wants to join me in my pity party? :}

Friday!!

Finally!! I was beginning to think Friday would never get here. What a long, lousy week. The scale has been kicking my butt this week, and I've been extra diligent, extra good on food, and busting my rear on the treadmill. As of right now I'm back up to 188. *sigh*

The only good thing I can post today is that as of 5pm I will be on vacation. What a long time coming too. I'm so ready for some time off. Stephen is off just Monday and Tuesday, and has to work Saturday, so that's a bummer. I hope to get some things done around the house, and maybe some scrapping done.

I have a good quote today on my desk - Smiles are for sharing!

rollercoaster

Seems I'm on the rollercoaster again. I swear I've gained and lost these same three pounds my entire life. The stupid scale keeps yo-yoing, and it's about to drive me nuts. Doesn't help that I'm starving this afternoon. I'd give anything for a blizzard right now.

I did manage to do a layout this weekend.
Not very inspiring, a lot like my life! LOL! Sorry for the glare. The pics under the glare are of the salsa being mixed in one and sampled by Stephen in the pot in the other.

I thought we were going to get away for a couple of days over the Labor Day weekend. Stephen decided he didn't want to spend the money, so I guess we'll stay at home and do nothing, like we do every time we're off on vacation. I know we shouldn't spend the money, but it would be nice to get away for just a day or two. He did at least promise me that we wouldn't do anything with the nephew-from-Hades.

My knee is still hurting. I wish I knew what I did to it. I didn't walk on the treadmill this weekend, and I didn't walk as hard as I normally do yesterday, but it still was hurting me pretty bad. So this morning I walked as fast as normal and I can't tell that I've made it any worse. Definitely not better, but not worse. It's so darn frustrating. Oh, and I had a stupid migraine yesterday too. I'm not convinced cutting the dosage of my pills was the answer to my problems.

so impatient

That would be me described to a T. When I want something, I want it right now. No waiting. I'm being too impatient with this weight loss - I know I am. No doubt in my mind. But that's the way I've always been. All I see is the end goal.

With that being said, I'm very please to say I was down 2 lbs when I weighed this morning. So it looks like it may be taking 9 days to lose 2 lbs. That's not too bad, but not too good either. Esp not when I have so far to go. If I keep at it, push hard and don't lose sight of the end goal, I can be at 160 by Christmas. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I'm also impatient when it comes to the migraines. The dr really ticked me off yesterday. She pretty much made me feel like I was stupid and I felt like she was blowing me off. Her answer is to cut back on the dosage of the medication I'm on. Never mind I had to up it to keep the headaches at bay. Her reasoning is that maybe since we stopped the daily headaches that the cycle is broken and maybe the lower dosage will keep them gone and stop the wild mood swings. There's that word again. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I can now say I am 1/3 of the way to my goal. That's something at least. Right? A third of the way there? That sounds better than 1/4, but not much.

I thought my knee was better. In fact it felt pretty good yesterday. This morning it's killing me again. I'm so frustrated. I had hoped to walk or maybe try the Tae Bo dvd tomorrow to keep in the routine. I figure I need to add some more exercise somewhere. With my knee hurting worse than it was earlier in the week, I don't see how I can do that now. *sigh* Maybe......

the short lived, skinny me

This was me for a short time in the summer of 2000. I had lost so much weight and felt so good. Then my dad died in February 2000 and I tried so hard to keep it together, and did for a few months, but I was lying to myself. By early fall, I was back up to 160 and by Christmas, the damage was done. I don't know if I'll ever see 140 again, or if I'll ever be able to get in to a size 12 skirt. It's so hard, and I'm so frustrated. Esp when I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing and the weight isn't coming off. Worse still, the migraine meds are driving me nuts. I upped the dosage, which the dr had okay'd me to do, and now it's messing with my cycle. Even tho two dr's have told me that it won't affect my birth control pills or my cycle. Funny, the drug manufacturer says it can and it will and it is! Can I just say I hate drs? And to top it off, I've done something to my stupid knee. No idea what, no injury that stands out in my mind, no searing pain or impact or bruising. It just plain hurts. But I walked again today anyway. Not that it's doing me any freakin' good.

I've decided I must work with the most insensitive, cruel, self-absorbed witches in the world. One of my co-workers made homemade cookies and brought them to work. She has no idea I'm on a diet. Neither does another girl I work with. She offered a cookie to everyone in the office except me. She can't claim she was trying to be nice and not tempt me because she doesn't know I'm dieting. She was just being rude and excluding me. The other girl that doesn't know I'm dieting, she bought a bag of candy and passed it out to the others but again excluded me. Why is it that fat people are overlooked, excluded and treated as tho we have the plague? Why can't people realize we have feelings too? I didn't want the stupid cookie or a piece of the candy, but it would have been nice to have been offered something, included like everyone else. I swear I could disappear and be missing for days before any one would ever notice. And I know it's not all in my head, because those same girls and bosses I work with that treat me like crap now, treated me so much nicer back in 2000 when I was skinny. And treated me like crap back in 1999 and before when I was fat.

I don't have a name, I'm just fat girl.

new traditional layout

I did this layout this weekend. I'd been working on the journaling for a while. It's "If Belle Could Talk". I was inspired by a scrapping friend to do an "interview" of our dog and record the answers. I thought it was a nice twist on the "record what your dog does" layout. The tag was a RAK from a friend. I used Sassafrass Lass stamps on the title and on each question as bullets.

The weekend sure went fast. Seems like I was just here at work a few hours ago. I got my hair cut (not what I wanted done at all!) and ran a few errands on Saturday. I've upped the dosage on my meds (the dr had told me I could if I needed to) to try to get the last of the stupid nagging headaches to go away and I'm not sure I like the moodiness it's caused. I'm overly emotional. But then, I think some of that could be that I found some pictures this weekend from when I lost all my weight back in 1999/2000. I think I posted about the huge fight I had with Stephen over not "supporting" him in his weight loss. Finding these pictures made me realize, he didn't have one nice thing to say to me. I can't recall him ever telling me he was "proud" of me for losing the weight or how good I looked (and I did look good - I'll have to post a picture) or to keep up the good work. I believe all I got from him was the same "I'm jealous of you" that I had given him a few months ago when he yelled at me for not being supportive of him. I'm just so sick of the double standards and the BS that's going on. And sure, he's lost 40 lbs and I've only lost 21, but you'd think he could give me some support and tell me way to go and keep up the good work once in a while too. Instead all I get is "keep at it, you'll get there eventually." Excuse me? Hello? What the heck happened to being supportive?