some fall pics and thoughts

This is the tree behind our garage. I think it's the prettiest it's been since we bought the house. I was so afraid we weren't going to have any color at all this year, so it was a nice surprise to see some red's and yellow's on our Maple tree.

I love fall. I love the crisp bite to the air, the cooler mornings, the break from the heat and humidity. But I hate the time change. I hate coming home from work in the dark, I hate that we have such a short fall and then winter is on us almost immediately.

We've already had a couple of fires in our fireplace this year. It's just been so cold at night. It got down to 31 last night, and I'm so not ready for that.

I looked at the calendar this morning, really looked at it, for the first time in a few weeks. Thanksgiving is three weeks away. Let me say that again THREE weeks away! Hello? How did it get to be the holidays? And Christmas? Christmas is 52 days away. Thank goodness my Christmas shopping is all done!

My foot is still messed up. It's hurting, even with my Nikes on all day long. I'm out of meds, and the dr was pretty clear that I shouldn't come back before two weeks are up. Needless to say, I'm not getting on the treadmill, and I'm scared to step on the scales because I've been as hungry as a rhino lately.

Packer Pumpkin

I found these neat NFL pumpkin patterns at NFLShop.com. We've only carved one pumpkin so far, but I thought it was too cute. I have two more pumpkins waiting to be carved, so I guess we'd best get with it tomorrow.

It's been a rough few weeks. I'm back up a pound, and I'm so disappointed. I've managed to mess my foot up pretty bad, so bad I finally broke down and went to the dr today so I could get a note. A note that will hopefully convince my bosses that it's okay if I wear sneakers to work instead of dress shoes. Rather hard to lose weight when you can't walk. *sigh*

our new "baby" as Stephen calls it

Friday we traded in my car for a new Liberty. Stephen calls it "baby". Funny, he names all his vehicles and I haven't named any of the cars I've driven. His first new truck was "Big G". The truck he has now is "Double B". We drove it to my hometown Saturday so I could change out the flowers on my Dad's grave. I think we're really going to like it.

I've had a rough couple of days already this week. My legs were hurting me so bad Monday and Tuesday (from working all weekend shoveling gravel) that I could barely walk on the treadmill. And while today my hamstrings are better, I've been craving sweets so bad! I'm afraid I've sabotaged myself this week. *sigh* Maybe I can do better tomorrow.

I'm excited about Lost tonight. And I've been enjoying Studio 60. Grey's.....well, I'm still not sure. I'm still ticked about how they handled the Denny/Izzy thing, I'm very ticked about Mer and Derek, and I'm not too happy with how the first two episodes have gone. Time will tell I guess.

Today's quote: Follow the path of your heart.

Finally!

Finally! Finally! Finally!! The stupid scale has finally moved! It took 35 days, but the scale finally is down a pound (185). I've been so frustrated and upset, ready to give up and just say forget it. But finally that stupid scale has moved. Here's hoping the next pound doesn't take as long to come off.


Enjoy what each day gives you.

I've left my little quote display on this quote for a week or so, hoping it would inspire me. Instead I look at it and think how hard it is to find something good in the day when so many things suck. So maybe it's time to list 5 good things about today and flip the quote.

1. The sun is shining and it's a beautiful day (even if I am stuck inside all day).
2. It's Friday, and I don't have to get up early in the morning unless I want to.
3. Fall is here. The air is crisp and it's cold in the morning when I get up (45 degrees this morning) so maybe the heat is finally gone.
4. It's payday.
5. I don't have a headache or migraine today.

Storms and donating blood

We've been having really bad storms last night and we're expecting more all weekend. So far we haven't had any more damage than a few limbs down. Altho today we're under a flood warning and they're calling for more severe storms than last night and possibly "very large" hail.

I donated blood Thursday night after work. I guess I'm going to have to quit donating. This is what my arm looks like this morning. It still hurts too. I have a really bad knot where the needle was and pain up in between my elbow and wrist.

I think today will be a lazy day. Maybe some scrapping, maybe a nap. Maybe just nothing. :)

.....and 27 days.....

......so now we're at 27 days and I'm at 186. I'm all over the place. Monday I was back up to 189. Yesterday I was down to 185.5. Today back up to 186. I'm just so damn frustrated I can't stand it any more. This is so freakin' unfair. I'm busting my ass and I can't get a break.......

Stephen tells me "you're toning up tho and looking better". Yeah? How could you tell? Is my fat not as flabby as before? Is my gut only disgusting instead of majorly disgusting? Is my ass getting any smaller? Ah, no. So shut up!! I don't care if I'm so toned I could bounce a quarter off my stomach as long as it still looks as fat as it does now.

I honestly think I'm ready to give up on this. I've been dealing with a sore heal for two weeks now too. It feels fine so long as I can wear my Nikes, but as soon as I put my dress shoes on to go to work, it's hurting again. By the end of the day I can barely stand to walk on it. And why? All so I can burn 400 calories in the morning and STILL not lose any freakin' weight....

......okay enough of my pity party, I'm done for the day......at least tomorrow is Friday......that's about the only bright spot I can see today.....

Tuesday blahs

My funk continues. If someone should happen to read this (which I don't think anyone does anymore) I won't bore you with the details. Let's just say, more of the same.

The weather has cooled off here. We had rain yesterday and today it's nice, sunny, around 70. There's a hint of fall in the air finally.

Club Scrap has announced their digital kits will be available starting 9/25. VERY excited about that. I hope it's as great as I think it will be - COULD be - any way.

Wish it was quitting time. So tired, of every one and every thing. :(

19 days

It's been 19 days since I've lost any weight. Worse, I'm back up to 188 this morning. I've been yo-yoing most of these 19 days, but never below 186. I am so depressed I honestly don't know how I can continue. I've been busting my butt these last three weeks. I've even increased the incline up to 7.0 this last week, which puts me up in to the "Endurance" mode on the treadmill - which means I'm burning about 120 more calories every morning before work. All it's doing is making me hungrier. Seems the more I exercise and burn, the hungrier I feel. I've been trying to eat right, and when I do allow myself a treat, it's low fat/low cal (like fat free ice cream or a low fat brownie).

Plus I'm back at work. That doesn't help anyone's attitude. Being on vacation just reinforces how much I hate this place and the people I work with.

And my headaches are back. I had a horrible one Saturday and a full blown migraine last night. I give up. I guess I'm going to stop taking the Topamax. To take it at a level that seems to control the headaches, I'm a basket case of nerves. I can't afford to see a Neurologist right now, so I guess I'll have to live with this for a while longer.

So, who wants to join me in my pity party? :}

Friday!!

Finally!! I was beginning to think Friday would never get here. What a long, lousy week. The scale has been kicking my butt this week, and I've been extra diligent, extra good on food, and busting my rear on the treadmill. As of right now I'm back up to 188. *sigh*

The only good thing I can post today is that as of 5pm I will be on vacation. What a long time coming too. I'm so ready for some time off. Stephen is off just Monday and Tuesday, and has to work Saturday, so that's a bummer. I hope to get some things done around the house, and maybe some scrapping done.

I have a good quote today on my desk - Smiles are for sharing!

rollercoaster

Seems I'm on the rollercoaster again. I swear I've gained and lost these same three pounds my entire life. The stupid scale keeps yo-yoing, and it's about to drive me nuts. Doesn't help that I'm starving this afternoon. I'd give anything for a blizzard right now.

I did manage to do a layout this weekend.
Not very inspiring, a lot like my life! LOL! Sorry for the glare. The pics under the glare are of the salsa being mixed in one and sampled by Stephen in the pot in the other.

I thought we were going to get away for a couple of days over the Labor Day weekend. Stephen decided he didn't want to spend the money, so I guess we'll stay at home and do nothing, like we do every time we're off on vacation. I know we shouldn't spend the money, but it would be nice to get away for just a day or two. He did at least promise me that we wouldn't do anything with the nephew-from-Hades.

My knee is still hurting. I wish I knew what I did to it. I didn't walk on the treadmill this weekend, and I didn't walk as hard as I normally do yesterday, but it still was hurting me pretty bad. So this morning I walked as fast as normal and I can't tell that I've made it any worse. Definitely not better, but not worse. It's so darn frustrating. Oh, and I had a stupid migraine yesterday too. I'm not convinced cutting the dosage of my pills was the answer to my problems.

so impatient

That would be me described to a T. When I want something, I want it right now. No waiting. I'm being too impatient with this weight loss - I know I am. No doubt in my mind. But that's the way I've always been. All I see is the end goal.

With that being said, I'm very please to say I was down 2 lbs when I weighed this morning. So it looks like it may be taking 9 days to lose 2 lbs. That's not too bad, but not too good either. Esp not when I have so far to go. If I keep at it, push hard and don't lose sight of the end goal, I can be at 160 by Christmas. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I'm also impatient when it comes to the migraines. The dr really ticked me off yesterday. She pretty much made me feel like I was stupid and I felt like she was blowing me off. Her answer is to cut back on the dosage of the medication I'm on. Never mind I had to up it to keep the headaches at bay. Her reasoning is that maybe since we stopped the daily headaches that the cycle is broken and maybe the lower dosage will keep them gone and stop the wild mood swings. There's that word again. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I can now say I am 1/3 of the way to my goal. That's something at least. Right? A third of the way there? That sounds better than 1/4, but not much.

I thought my knee was better. In fact it felt pretty good yesterday. This morning it's killing me again. I'm so frustrated. I had hoped to walk or maybe try the Tae Bo dvd tomorrow to keep in the routine. I figure I need to add some more exercise somewhere. With my knee hurting worse than it was earlier in the week, I don't see how I can do that now. *sigh* Maybe......

the short lived, skinny me

This was me for a short time in the summer of 2000. I had lost so much weight and felt so good. Then my dad died in February 2000 and I tried so hard to keep it together, and did for a few months, but I was lying to myself. By early fall, I was back up to 160 and by Christmas, the damage was done. I don't know if I'll ever see 140 again, or if I'll ever be able to get in to a size 12 skirt. It's so hard, and I'm so frustrated. Esp when I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing and the weight isn't coming off. Worse still, the migraine meds are driving me nuts. I upped the dosage, which the dr had okay'd me to do, and now it's messing with my cycle. Even tho two dr's have told me that it won't affect my birth control pills or my cycle. Funny, the drug manufacturer says it can and it will and it is! Can I just say I hate drs? And to top it off, I've done something to my stupid knee. No idea what, no injury that stands out in my mind, no searing pain or impact or bruising. It just plain hurts. But I walked again today anyway. Not that it's doing me any freakin' good.

I've decided I must work with the most insensitive, cruel, self-absorbed witches in the world. One of my co-workers made homemade cookies and brought them to work. She has no idea I'm on a diet. Neither does another girl I work with. She offered a cookie to everyone in the office except me. She can't claim she was trying to be nice and not tempt me because she doesn't know I'm dieting. She was just being rude and excluding me. The other girl that doesn't know I'm dieting, she bought a bag of candy and passed it out to the others but again excluded me. Why is it that fat people are overlooked, excluded and treated as tho we have the plague? Why can't people realize we have feelings too? I didn't want the stupid cookie or a piece of the candy, but it would have been nice to have been offered something, included like everyone else. I swear I could disappear and be missing for days before any one would ever notice. And I know it's not all in my head, because those same girls and bosses I work with that treat me like crap now, treated me so much nicer back in 2000 when I was skinny. And treated me like crap back in 1999 and before when I was fat.

I don't have a name, I'm just fat girl.

new traditional layout

I did this layout this weekend. I'd been working on the journaling for a while. It's "If Belle Could Talk". I was inspired by a scrapping friend to do an "interview" of our dog and record the answers. I thought it was a nice twist on the "record what your dog does" layout. The tag was a RAK from a friend. I used Sassafrass Lass stamps on the title and on each question as bullets.

The weekend sure went fast. Seems like I was just here at work a few hours ago. I got my hair cut (not what I wanted done at all!) and ran a few errands on Saturday. I've upped the dosage on my meds (the dr had told me I could if I needed to) to try to get the last of the stupid nagging headaches to go away and I'm not sure I like the moodiness it's caused. I'm overly emotional. But then, I think some of that could be that I found some pictures this weekend from when I lost all my weight back in 1999/2000. I think I posted about the huge fight I had with Stephen over not "supporting" him in his weight loss. Finding these pictures made me realize, he didn't have one nice thing to say to me. I can't recall him ever telling me he was "proud" of me for losing the weight or how good I looked (and I did look good - I'll have to post a picture) or to keep up the good work. I believe all I got from him was the same "I'm jealous of you" that I had given him a few months ago when he yelled at me for not being supportive of him. I'm just so sick of the double standards and the BS that's going on. And sure, he's lost 40 lbs and I've only lost 21, but you'd think he could give me some support and tell me way to go and keep up the good work once in a while too. Instead all I get is "keep at it, you'll get there eventually." Excuse me? Hello? What the heck happened to being supportive?

....blue got worse.....

so on the way home from work Monday, I had to stop and pay the water bill. They have a drop box that has these poles on either side to keep you from running over it. My car is very low to the ground and I'm short, so I have to get close to the box or I have to open the door and risk dinging the door to put the payment in the box. I was feeling so bad (dizzy, sick at my stomach, had the shakes really bad) and probably had no business driving in the first place, but I wasn't paying close enough attention apparently. I got to close and when I went to pull away, I scraped the back of the car against one of those poles. Dented the wheel well on the drivers side. I was so mad at myself. I started crying and I could stop. I mean, I cried for an hour and a half and litterally could not stop. I think it was just the last straw, stress, hormones, the new med, the fact that I messed up the first new car I've ever owned, I just broke.

Today is a little better. I'm pleased to report I don't have a headache. Knock on wood. I'm up to 35 mins at 3.5 mph on the treadmill. As short as I am, that's nearly a jog for me. Today was really hard tho. I think I have a stone bruise on my left heel. And I've tweeked the muscle in my right thigh. It's tight and sore, but I still kept at it. Being old sucks, in case I have said it lately. But at least I'm not crying hysterically today. That's always a plus. :)

......blue.......

....that would be me.....blue.....deeply, completely, tee-totally blue. Completely in a funk. So far down I can't even see the light at the top of the hole I'm in. And I have no one to talk to about it. No one who will understand. You see, after losing those four lbs from starting the new migraine meds, I've not lost a single ounce. Not a half an ounce. And I've been good. Very good. I've been walking. Speed walking. 3.4 mph on the treadmill 5 days a week. Watching what I eat, being good. I've tried to talk to my husband about it. All I get from him is "you should exercise for the sake of exercising and improving your health, not for weight loss". People tell me I'm eating too little food. Then they tell me I'm eating too much food. Sorry, you can't have it both ways! 1300-1500 calories a day. Enough water to float a battle ship. And I'm stuck at 190. With no one to talk to who'll understand. No one that has a shoulder I can cry on. No one who will just listen without passing judgement. *sigh*

.....so.....I'm blue....so very blue.....and no end in sight.......

Be thankful for what you've been given.

This is so hard to remember. It's so easy to get caught up in the "I wish I had this" or the "my life would be perfect if" game. So today I'm going to try to look at the things I should be thankful for. But first some business to take care of.

Three winners were chosen for the digital drawer contest. Big surprise, I wasn't one. One was a baby layout, which I knew would happen. I guess I just don't have what it takes.

I canned 9 1/2 quarts of tomato juice last night. I was so tired when I was done I couldn't keep my eyes open. It will be so nice to have fresh juice for chili this winter tho.

That job I applied for about 3 weeks ago? I emailed them about a week after I sent my resume, telling them how excited I was and asking if I could schedule an appt for an interview. I got a HATEFUL message on the answering machine stating that they were waiting to get all the resumes in before making any appts and they'd be in touch. Nothing since. No email, no phone calls. So by showing my excitement and asking for an appt I screwed myself out of a chance for an enterview. Jerks. Of course if they're going to be that big of jerks, it doesn't sound like a place I'd really want to work anyway.

I've been getting back in to the walking and diet thing. I walked Thursday, Friday, Monday and Tuesday. I got up to walk this morning, but Stephen was in bed sick with a sinus headache, so I didn't do it. The treadmill makes so much racket, and I have to have the tv on or I go nuts, so I'll try to walk after work today. I'm still at 190, but I'm seeing results. I took my measurements this morning, and while the tape measure doesn't show I'm losing inches, my clothes tell a different story. I put on a pair of dress pants today that aren't tight, but the way the pockets are made, the pockets have always flaired out. They are too freakin' big!! The pockets now lay right and I could actually use a belt! WooHoo!!

And here's a quick layout I did last night with a Free Pea kit from Rhonna Farrar from Two Peas in a Bucket. I just love her work!



So, now for the some of things I'm thankful for and take for granted:

* a job that, which I don't like, does help pay the bills.

* a home, a lovely, if older home, that has a modest monthly mortgage payment and will be ours in roughly 12 years.

* a husband, who loves me unconditionaly, who frustrates me, brings me great joy, and who I truly would be lost without.

* a wonderful mother in law and father in law, who treat me as tho I'm their own child, even if I don't agree with all of their decisions.

* my health, if my only major complaint is headaches and migraines, I am so very, very fortunate.

this and that

* I entered my drawer in the contest. The contest closed last night. Not sure when the winner will be announced. I don't stand a chance of winning, but I did at least have fun making the project.

* The new med they gave me seems to be helping, knock on wood. I'm still having a few little headaches, but they seem to respond to regular meds. I have had one migraine, but to be fair, I'd only take four pills and there wasn't hardly any med built up in my system.


* The new med seems to have a lovely side effect of weight loss. I lost 4 lbs in the first week I was on it. Gotta love that. That makes me currently 190, the lowest I've weighed since 2000.

* The new med has a nasty side effect. It makes soda, all soda (diet or regular) taste like crap. I thought coffee was going to be okay. I had a cup on Saturday and it tasted okay. I had a cup this morning and nearly gagged.

Today's quote: Find life's treasures in simple pleasures.

what do you think?

This is my first attempt at a contest entry. It's for Corina Nielson's printers drawer contest. I'm really not sure I should even bother entering it, given the entries that are already posted. I think I'm WAAAAY out of my league.

Here's the link to her blog and the contest entries:

http://thisrealtor.blogspot.com/2006/07/printers-drawer-contest-entries.html

Tuesday

I've been agonizing over this layout for almost a week. The sketch was from Club Scrap and I liked the idea of "framing" the pictures with the lines of paper. What was hard was I had my pictures printed too large! At least it's finally done and in my album.

I'm still not happy with this new med for my headaches and migraines. I'm still having horrible dreams and I'm not sleeping good at all. I can't tell if the headaches aren't improving because of the meds or because I just can't sleep. Thursday will be two weeks, and the PA told me to come back if it wasn't better in two weeks. *sigh*

page

Page in my Club Scrap mini album made from the Collections kit. The brackets I had were too thick for this album, so I traced them on thinner cardboard.

I went to the dr Thursday after work. I told them I had to have something, anything to deal with these daily headaches and migraines. She gave me a med to try. So far all it's done is make me so tired I can barely keep my eyes open and I've been having very disturbing, vivid dreams that I can't get back to sleep from. Something has to give. :(

fireworks

We are fortunate to live in a small town that has a Briggs & Stratton factory in it. Briggs generously sponsors a fantastic fireworks show each year. Now that we live in town, we can walk over to the park (literally next door to our house) and watch the fireworks from there.

This is a layout based on a Becky Higgins sketch of the fireworks this year.

Assembly Line Scrapbooking with Club Scrap +one

These first two layouts are curtesy of the Assembly Line Scrapbooking class Tricia from Club Scrap held on Thursday night. We sat down with a Club Scrap kit of papers and goodies and premade layouts. Then after, all you do is slap the pictures on. I did have to rearrange the mattes on the Determination layout. I didn't have enough vertical pics for it. Seems I don't take that many pictures with the camera tilted. I need to work on varying my shots more. As it is, they tend to all look the same.














And this is a quick layout with the Paisley kit from Club Scrap. We took this picture Friday night after the Squeelin' on the Square festival downtown. It was hotter than hot and we walked down to the square AFTER both giving blood. Idiots.

Tomatoes

This is a super quick layout using freebies from Atomic Cupcake. Can't wait til these beauties turn red....yum!

Layout Sunday

Thought I'd share a couple of layouts I did today. This one is one of the photos we had made back in 1992 that we used for our engagement announcement. The paper is all Club Scrap. The stsamp is a clear unmounted stamp by Heidi Swapp. VERY reasonably priced, and very cute. She has several different words and phrases out, and I hope she comes out with more.

This is a digital I made using a kit I bought from Scrap Outside the Box. Since Stephen has lost so much weight, he's feeling better and thought he'd see if he could swing a golf club again. We went to the driving range last night and hit a bucket of range balls.

Believe and trust in yourself.

What this quote should also have went on to say is "because when it comes down to it, all you have to count on is yourself!"

Don't hurry by life's little detours.

Seems like there have been a lot of detours in my life lately. Unfortunately they aren't the kind that you want, like stopping to smell the roses or enjoying a sunset or sunrise. They've been the mad rush, can't slow down, wish life would just be kind once in a while kinds of detours. Maybe some day.

I'm in a bad spot right now and I really don't know how to get out of it. I'm in about the worst depression I've had, excluding the one when my father died. I don't have any energy, I don't have any drive, and I really don't have any desire to do anything. I get up (late, I might add), go to work, come home, cook supper, do laundry, go to bed. I feel like crap 95% of the time. I've been having almost daily headaches again. I don't feel like exercising, or watching what I eat. And my darling husband is crushing my soul. All I've heard for the last four days is how great HE'S doing on his diet, how much weight he's lost, how the brand new pants we ordered in a smaller size are too big, how his BOSS is so proud of him, how he and his boss are having a contest to see who can run the fastest. How I need to "work thru it", "suck it up" and exercise even if I feel like crap, have a headache or a migraine. I'm sure I'm a big fat embarrassment to him. That he's ashamed to be seen with me. And I guess he should be. I am a big fat embarrassment, and I am lazy and unmotivated. But I don't need him to tell me that. I'm well aware of those facts.

There are days I just wish I could curl up in a corner and die.

Attitude is everything.

Today's quote says a lot for only three little words. I know my attitude sucks on a lot of things, especially things like work and dealing with the nephew from Hades. So I need to add this to my list of things to work on. If I go in to work with a bad attitude (which happens 99% of the time here lately) there's no reason for me to expect to have a good day. People can sense my rotten mood and they key off it. I need to do a better job of being positive and put a smile on my face.

I tried to blog yesterday but I never could connect. I walked 35 mins yesterday but was bad on food - over 1800 calories. ugh. I woke up with a headache this morning and I didn't walk today. I'm never going to get this weight off unless I can improve my ATTITUDE. :)

Each new day is a new beginning of life.

At least I hope it is. This is the quote on my desk today. I'm going to try hard to make that a truth and not just a quote.

I tried so hard to get to bed early last night. "Early" ended up being 9:30, which is much better than the 11:30 or midnight of the last few days, but still not as early as I had hoped. My alarm went off at 5:40 and I was still so darn exhausted. After hitting the snooze alarm SEVERAL times, I finally got up, got on the stupid treadmill. I only did 30 mins. In part because I slept too late, in part because my stupid hip was hurting. Again. But at least it's a start. I'm back on the water again too.

I have to make this a new life. I have to change the way I think of food and exercise and life in general. I've only done one thing in my life that was harder than this.

A group I'm on had a Scrap from your Stash challenge that ran from May 20th to June 3rd. I did 319 pages in that time. And I didn't do the most on the group. But I am so thrilled that I got so much done. I have my album from NYC completed, the album from a Packers preseason football game last year done, 2005 done, 2004 done, and I'm almost up to date on 2006. I have a huge stack of layouts for Annabelle's album. And I even did a few BOM layouts. AND I finally got Stephen's Star Trek album done from the convention we went to in 2002. So nice to have some progress finally somewhere in my life.

Give the world the best you have!

This sounds so easy at first read. Give the world the best you have! But how many times am I guilty of just mailing it in? Doing just enough to get by? Putting a bandaid on the problem so that I don't have to deal with it that day/week?

I need to make a consious effort to improve on this. To give 100% each and every time I do something, whether it's cooking supper, work, scrapbooking or dieting. Especially dieting.

Perhaps tomorrow I can get up early enough to walk. Last night was a good night's sleep. I didn't wake up with a coughing spell, I had some good REM sleep. But it just wasn't enough. Maybe tomorrow I can get up early and walk. I certainly need to get back on track. Didn't even come close to making my May goal. Altho down 3 lbs is certainly better than UP 3 lbs.

They are rich who have friends. - Scandinavian Proverb

I have a little quote dispenser on my desk. This quote popped up last week, and I've been giving it a lot of thought lately. A good friend (my internet buddy) told me the other day that her boss used to tell her if she had one good friend, one true friend that she could call in the middle of the night, no matter what, that she was lucky. I've been thinking of this and wondering who I would call in the middle of the night if I needed something. Needed someone to help me in the middle of the night, to go to the Emergency Room with me, to bail me out of jail. I have "friends" but unfortunately my true friends live across the country. Not much chance of calling them to bail me out of jail or hold my hand at the hospital.

That got me to thinking about my funeral. Will any one attend? Would any one truly miss me? Oh, I know Stephen would, and if his family was alive, they would come to the funeral. But how many of my "friends" would come? Would anyone cry?

So I ask you, do YOU have a true friend? A friend you could call at 3am? A friend who would hold your hand when you were sick? A friend who would be there if you were dying?

They are rich who have friends. Yes, but I would say "They are rich who have TRUE friends".

fitday.com

A lady on a scrapping group posted about fitday.com. I went to check it out. Looks really useful. Has lots of tracking info. I'm going to try to use it for a few days and see how I like it.

Still feel like crap. May even go home early today. Altho Stephen is off work today (he works Saturday), so I don't know that it would be a good idea if I did go home early. I'm close to caught up at work, so I'm bored out of my mind today. Oh, no walking again today.

Scrapped some more last night. I'm hoping to start working on my album from my trip to NYC in 1990. I think I've got it all organized, so hopefully it will go together pretty quickly.


Monday ~

~ oatmeal breakfast bar
~ left over veggie fajitas
~ bowl lf chili
~ still eating those darn kisses :(

Monday

How about something positive from me for a change? I had a good time at the crop Saturday. I was worried about the cramped space and not knowing anyone, but it worked out fine. I was the third person there and managed to snag a table in the back so I could have my back against the wall. A lady came in while I was putting my stuff down and asked if I was alone and if she could join me. So that worked out nice. The 5 ladies in front of us were pretty rude tho. I'd always been told croppers were very friendly, loaned tools etc. Not these gals! The freebies were pretty good and I got 37 two page layouts finished. Not a bad day's work. Esp considering I was still sick. Still am today too.

The food was good at the crop. They served us bbq sandwiches with sides for lunch, a root beer float mid afternoon (that I skipped) and pizza for supper. I think if I get a chance to go to one of these again, I'll have to do it. I'll have to take a picture of all the goodies we got too and post that. I won a trivia contest and won a plastic SEI 12x12 album that matches their Fruit Stand line - and matched the gob of papers we got as goodies. And then the gal I shared a table with and I won second place which was a mini album in the "10 Things I love about"....line. Can't remember who makes that.

I had so hoped to get back to walking and getting back in the groove of things. No go. Maybe tomorrow.

Sunday ~

~ veggie fajitas
~ pepper jack chicken and pasta dish
~ Skinny Cow ice cream treat
~ handful of Hershey's kisses (I really have to stop this)

plus two pounds and nothing to say

Woke up feeling like crap. Stephen has given me the crud he's been sick with for a week. Didn't walk this morning. Stupid scales say I've gained two pounds. Nothing good to say, so I'm outta here.

~ Wednesday

~43 mins treadmill
~lf bagel
~salad (really getting sick of those babies)
~veggie fajitas
~Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich

Wednesday

Nothing positive to say, on any subject. Fed up, tired, ticked off. 'Nuff said 'bout that.

Tuesday ~
~ 35 mins treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ blizzard for lunch :(
~ spaghetti
~ WW ice cream sandwich

odds & ends

~ Grey's Anatomy - I am so furious with the writers. Furious that they killed off Denny, furious that they wrote that scene with Meredith and Sheppard. I hope I can calm down over the summer because right now, I'm so mad I wouldn't watch it if it was on tonight.

~ weight loss - what can I say? Non-existant. It's pathetic and I'm fed up and I'm just about ready to throw in the towel. I've been busting my rear and it's all been a big waste of time. Worse, I have to watch Stephen, who easily eats twice as much as I do, lose lb after lb. He's down some 23 lbs now. I'm happy for him, thrilled, but it makes my depression worse.

~ family - we had the lunch from Hades Sunday. Stephen's nephew spent the entire two hour ordeal CRYING his eyes out and no one, not a soul told him to straighten up, act like a 10 yr old, behave, nothing. Why was he crying? Because he was STARVING, had a sunburn (I've had worse burns from hot showers), didn't want to wait, and kept getting beat on his game boy game. Can we say brat? Can we say bust his butt? Can we say embarrassed and mortified and ashamed to the point I won't be able to show my face in the restaurant again? Worse, Stephen was just as fed up and swore he'd call his mother and tell her we weren't going out with them again until someone made his nephew behave. And of course now that he's calmed down, he keeps "forgetting" to call. I told him that's fine. But I'm not going to any functions that involve the devil-spawn nephew.

~ promises broken - I found some really old photos that needed touching up a few weeks ago. I scanned them in, asked Stephen to help me restore them (he's the expert) so I could scrap them, preferrably at the crop this weekend. I asked him three times, he kept saying, yes, I'll work on it later today/tonight/tomorrow. Sunday he promised he'd help ME do them so I'd know how in the future. Fine. He didn't help me. Monday he came home from work and promised again that he'd help me with them after supper. Again, he didn't help. I don't mind that he's not helping me, for whatever laim reason, what bothers me is he keeps saying he'll help me, promising he'll help me and never does. I always prefer a hurtful, disappointing truth over a flat out lie like this.

Saturday -

~ no treadmill, but an hour+ of yard work
~ can't remember what I ate

Sunday -

~ no treadmill
~ Demitries chicken, baked potato, salad
~ Skinny Cow ice cream cone thingy
~ fiesta chicken burrito
~ WW ice cream sandwich

Monday -
~ 32 mins treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ salad
~ chicken breast, two bites of turkey (both grilled), baked potato
~ WW ice cream sandwich
~ nearly ff popcorn

Saturday

Woke up with another stinking headache today. sigh. I should be out mowing the lawn, but Stephen hasn't offered to move to help me and I refuse to do it all by myself, esp with my head hurting. Haven't walked either today. I am preplanning a little. OH! Found out a lovely piece of info this morning. My darling dear husband LIED to me about his work schedule. When I signed up for the crop at the lss, he swore to me he was working that day. So I didn't feel the least bit quilty about signing up. This morning I asked him what he was going to do with his Monday off. He said "I'm not off Monday, I work the 27th." OMG!!! I'm livid with him! I told him there was no way I could get my money refunded for the crop and what the heck am I supposed to do now?! The ONLY reason I signed up was because he had to work so I wanted something to do while he was working. I don't want to have to skip my crop, but I know it's not right for me to go when he's not working and that he WILL be working the next weekend. I'm just sick about it.

Friday ~

~ 35 mins treadmill
~ roast beef sandwich, half order of fries
~ half a grilled chicken breast, one rib, baked potato
~ rice cake
~ handful of Hershey's kisses :(

why even bother?

It's been a really, really ugly week. I pushed myself, got up at 5am on Wed so I could walk before having to go to my Continuing Education class out of town, resisted the donuts at the meeting, didn't have a cookie at the afternoon break. Behaved myself. Woke up yesterday with a migraine and couldn't see straight. Didn't walk, stayed home from work, felt lousy all day and all night. Binged on chocolate. Bad. Really bad. I still managed to drag myself out of bed this morning and walk for 35 mins. Fat lot of good it will do me. I had walked 23 days straight up until yesterday. *sigh*

So at the CE class I was at Wed, I couldn't help but notice what the people were wearing. Why is it that people who are overweight think they can pour their bodies in to clothes that are two sizes too small and that it looks good? That we want to see their butt crack and the thong lines coming OUT of the butt crack? It was disgusting. I noticed 7 people in our class of 24 that were wearing clothes that were at least two sizes too small. Even if I never lose another lb, I swear I will never wear disgustingly tight clothes like that. Ick!

Tuesday ~
~ 40 mins treadmill
~ salad
~ rice cake
~ spaghetti
~ 14 glasses of water

Wed ~
~ 35 mins treadmill
~ zesty chicken bowl
~ half a grilled chicken breast, one pork rib, baked potato
~ 8 glasses of water (kind of hard to drink water while you're sitting in a classroom all day with limited breaks)

Thursday ~
~ no treadmill (migraine)
~ salad
~ hershey's kisses. Lots of hershey's kisses
~ grilled cheeseburger, tater tots

slump

I'm afraid I'm in a slump. Today has been really, really hard. I got up, just knowing that after a week of nothing the scale would move. Nadda, nothing, zilch. So, I didn't give up hope. I walked (40 mins) even tho I right knee was hurting so bad last night I couldn't sleep (it kept me up until 3am when I finally just passed out from exhaustion), showered, and got out the tape measure. I just KNEW I would have lost an inch or two somewhere. Not only did I not lose even a single inch, I GAINED TWO. I had thought I would at least lose a half inch in my thighs (which are starting to LOOK decent) or maybe my hips (in my rear end). But no, I GAIN TWO INCHES. How demoralizing.

And then Stephen has to tell me at lunch when I tell him why I'm so depressed that I'm not trying hard enough. That I have to BURN 3500 calories to lose a pound, not burn and consume less. He tells me I need to walk faster. I'm litterally walking as fast as I can without running/jogging. So then he tells me instead of 45 mins of walking I need to walk an hour and 45 mins every day. I asked him when exactly he thought I had time to do that. It was horrible. It was ugly. And now I want to just throw up my hands and say who gives a damn.

I have a meeting tomorrow so I don't know if I'll be able to get up early enough to walk or not. I need to leave the house by 6:45, so that means I'll have to get up at 5 if I want to get my walking in. Since I didn't sleep hardly at all last night, I'm not sure if I'll be able to get up or not.

Monday ~

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ roast beef sandwich, half an order of fries
~ small salad and a baked potato, dressed with FF stuff.
~ 16 glasses of water

Monday

Hard to believe another weekend has come and gone. I swear it seems like just last week it was Christmas. Didn't get as much done this weekend as I had hoped, but I did get a few things done at least.

13 years ago today I graduated from college. On the 12th I will have worked at my current job for 13 years. And on May 18th, it will be 16 years since I was in high school. I really, really am starting to feel old.

Sure would have loved to have slept in this morning, but got up anyway. Did 45 mins on the treadmill while watching Grey's. Wish it was quitting time.

Sunday ~

~ 21 mins treadmill
~ veggie fajitas
~ Ranch flavored rice cake
~ lf bowl of chili
~ lf popcorn

weekend review

Saturday I preplanned some more for the crop and played with my new-to-me MP3 player. I bought it off ebay so I could have it for the crop, just in case. I have it loaded with songs and can't wait to take a walk in the park to try it out. I also did 37 mins on the treadmill.

Today I tried to walk again but about 4 mins in, my head started killing me. I pushed on but finally gave up at 21 mins. My head has been killing me for the last 6 hours. I know it's a migraine, but I refuse to give in to it. I took some meds, ran out to buy a second SD card for my MP3 player (512megs at Office Depot for $25, talk about a steal), two pairs of Nikes (also on sale!) and a sheet of paper and two embellies for two layouts that I've got preplanned but still needed something. Now I'm waiting for my hair color to set - going Strawberry Blonde. I decided I'm tired of migraines stopping me. I'm going to feel miserable laying on the couch or in bed, so I may as well do something I want to do, even if I feel miserable doing it.

I also have enough proofs of purchase for the Skinny Cow treat Scrapbook organizer. Bummed that it won't get here in time for my crop. But I found a "sewing" tin that looks like a plumber's tool kit that I'm going to try to dress up for it. Would love to make them to sell, but the tin was almost $7 by itself. Not sure how well it would go over, so I don't know if I dare to try to make one up to sell and then get stuck with it.

Gotta run, time to rinse my hair!

Friday -

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ grilled chicken sandwich, third of an order of fries
~ digorno pizza
~ 12 glasses of water

Saturday -
~ 37 mins treadmill
~ eggbeaters scrambled eggs, bacon, wheat toast, hashbrowns
~ chili rubbed chicken

sobering thoughts

~ It takes a deficit of 3500 calories to burn/lose 1 pound of fat. Since I have 55 lbs to lose, that's 192,500 calories I have to burn.

~ 55 lbs is the weight of an EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY.

~ It takes roughly 2000 calories a day to maintain 195 lbs if you are sedentary.

~ Assuming a 1200 calorie diet with approximately 250 calories burned in exercise, I should be losing one pound every 3 to 4 days.

~ At 3 to 4 days to lose a pound, it will take approximately 220 days, or seven and a third months, or Christmas time.

~ I have a BMI of 33.88 - acceptable range is 20-25.

~ Even if I get down to 140 lbs, my BMI would still be 24.32!

~ Ideally, I should weigh 120-125.

So, now that we're all thoroughly depressed, the other stuff. (45 mins treadmill this morning. Makes for 18 straight days - I think that's right, 18?)

Thursday ~

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ lf bowl of chili
~ Digorno deep dish pizza with wheat chips (double, no triple shame on me!)
~ 12 glasses of water

Thursday

Just another Thursday here. I feel like I'm falling in to a rut. Probably the dreary weather talking. I know habits are a good thing, but ruts aren't so good. I know I'm just getting started here, but I feel worn out already.

I checked with the scrapbook store that's hosting the crop on the 20th to see what the space situation would be. I asked them if I could bring my Navigator tote or if it would be too crowded. The gal told me that I could bring it and should be fine, but they planned on having at least three people, maybe more, per table. Yikes! That's so not going to go over well with my space issues. I mean, it's all I can do to sit next to a stranger in a theater for two hours, never mind TWO strangers for TWELVE hours. Stephen was sweet about it last night. He told me that he'd call me 15 mins in to the crop and if I thought I was going to panic and not make it, he'd come get me and make an excuse of an emergency. I hope I don't end up having a panic attack, that would be so embarrassing.

Did 45 on the treadmill this morning. That REALLY feels like a rut.

Wednesday ~

~ 40 mins treadmill
~ salad
~ bowl lf chili
~ 10 glasses of water (should have had more, but I had a diet coke with supper instead of water)

Wednesday

I was so happy to see the scale was still at 195 this morning. I was so afraid I would get up and it would be back up to 200. So, no gain is a good thing! :)

Still fighting the stupid headaches and migraines.

This layout is made from elements/papers from Atomic Cupcake. The quote is one I found on Rhonda Ferrar's blog. I couldn't make her picture large enough to see who to credit the actual quote from, so I'll credit Rhonda and leave it at that.

I did 40 mins on the treadmill this morning. Wanted to do 45, but the power went off and kept blinking. So I used that as an excuse and called 40 as done.

Tuesday ~

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ salad
~ individual microwave digorno pizza with small handful of wheat chips
~ 15 glasses of water

down 3!!

The rest of my day may end up in the gutter, but it started off on a great note. I got up and weighed before getting on the treadmill (45 mins) and I was thrilled to see I'm down 3 lbs! What a great surprise that was!

Last night was pretty much a bust. I came home and started to preheat the oven for supper. Stephen came home and informed me his trainer told him that he's eating too many calories and that he could only have two bagels for supper, so not to bother cooking. Okay. Great. Now why is it that when I told him he should only be eating 2000-2200 calories a day, he wouldn't believe me but when his trainer told him the same thing, he'll listen to him? Duh Stephen! He told me his trainer told him no more than 2200, but Stephen told him he would do 2500. Must be nice. If I eat more than 1000-1100, I gain weight! So, I warmed up a bowl of lf chili and that was that. I picked out two Becky Higgins sketch layouts for some photos I had but that was it. My head was killing me by then, so getting anything else done wasn't going to happen. And of course when I tried to get to sleep, my head was hurting too bad to sleep. And naturally I have a headache already this morning. *sigh*

But at least I'm down to 195! :)

Monday ~

~ 42 mins treadmill
~ salad
~ lf bowl of chili
~ one Hershey's kiss
~ 10 glasses of water

Monday's should be outlawed

I hate Monday's. I hate the first day back at work, the prospect that it will be 5 whole days before I can sleep in and do something I want to do for more than a half hour. I wish I could convince my bosses to let me go to four 10 hr days. I know they'd never go for it, but it sure would be nice. I could come in at 7, work thru lunch, leave at 5 and have Monday's off. Ah to dream.

I watched Grey's this morning while I walked. I overslept and was afraid I couldn't get it in before I had to get in the shower to get to work. I squeezed it in tho, along with 42 mins of walking. Someone commented that they couldn't walk as long as I do because they would be bored. If I don't have a tv show saved on tivo, I get bored too. I've also flipped thru a magazine or read a book if I don't have something to watch. No way I could just walk without something to distract my brain.

I'm going to have to tighten up. I splurged and had a SkinnyCow ice cream treat yesterday - 2.5 g of fat and 150 calories. This morning I had gained a half a lb. Not how I wanted to start the new month. *sigh*

Sunday ~

~ 50 mins treadmill
~ veggie fajitas and a few wheat chips
~ chicken tenders and steak fries, both baked in the oven
~ Skinny Cow ice cream treat (which tasted very, very good)

down one and May mini goal

I'm down a pound today. Yeah. Too tired to get excited. My head is killing me, AGAIN. *sigh*

Got up at 7:15 this morning. Ran to the store, came home and did 50 mins on the treadmill. I might have overdone it a little, my hips are killing me again. Oh well, the throbbing of my hips is in tempo with the pounding of my head.

Trying to preplan, but it's so darn hard to do when your head hurts.

Saturday ~

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ scrambled eggs (with egg beaters), bacon, hashbrowns, and wheat toast
~ bowl of lf chili

MINI GOAL:

I've done a lot of thinking on this, and while it may be unrealistic, I want to be down 15 lbs by May 31st. That would put me at 183. 15 may be too much for 31 days, but I've got to get this weight off and if I don't push myself I'm not going to get it done. So 15 it is.

Saturday

Pretty lazy day today. I've been fighting headaches and migraines all week, and today is no different. I got up early and did 45 mins on the treadmill this morning. Still at 199. When Stephen got up we made a quick run to the dump to get rid of a ton of leaves and brush from the yard. Came home, got cleaned up and made a nice breakfast even if I do say so myself. We've been watching the draft all day. I've got my headache down to a dull roar, so I'm trying to preplan some pages. It's been dreary, windy and drizzling off and on all day. Supposed to storm over night and tomorrow. Maybe I can preplan some more.

Friday ~

~ 35 mins treadmill
~ roast beef sandwich, half an order of fries
~ two sips of a yogart smoothie (just didn't care for it, tasted like cherry pepto - gag!)
~ bowl of low fat chili
~ plain popcorn

It's Friday!

And thank heavens! The first week back to work after a vacation is SOOOO hard! I'm so glad this week is almost finally over.

I was able to register for the crop. I'm very excited about it. But also a little nervous. I don't like crowds and suffer ever so mildly from claustrophobia in large crowds. I need to get started planning tho. It's from 8 to 8! Thank goodness I don't live far from the store - if I have to run home to get something I can. I'm trying to decide how much to pack and take with me. I'm not sure how much space we'll be allowed, so I don't know if I could take my Navigator or not. 22 days and counting!

It was litterally all I could do to drag myself out of bed this morning. I still can't seem to get enough sleep. And I went to bed at 10 last night. I finally convinced myself to get up and did 35 mins on the treadmill. My knee and hip were hurting a little. I'm hoping it doesn't start getting worse.

Thursday ~

~ 37 mins treadmill
~ spaghetti
~ grilled chicken breast, mashed potatoes & green beans, and a wheat roll
~ 11 glasses of water (I'm so glad I've finally been able to get this up over 8!)

TGIF!!

I made it!!!

I did it, I made my mini goal. This morning the scales read 199. I didn't think I was going to do it, esp after my pity party the other night and near binge. So I'll do some thinking and see what my goal for May will be. I don't want to be unrealistic, but I also want to challenge myself. If I don't get this weight off, it's going to kill me. I have to say, I'm not thrilled to only lose 11 lbs in 31 days. That's just not going to get it done. But at least I am losing instead of gaining. So here's a review of the last 31 days:

~ walked 22 days (Have to get this up higher than that!)
~ gave up sugar drinks (just water or diet soda all month)
~ lost 11 lbs
~ walked every day for the last 10 days

Yesterday was Secretary's Day. No PC title for it from me. Because my bosses do think of us as just that - secretaries. And that was even more evident than usual yesterday because they forgot Secretary's Day. They've forgotten 4 out of the last 6 years. How pathetic is that? So I'm telling the girls tomorrow afternoon, we are forgetting boss's day in October!

Oh, did 37 mins on the treadmill this morning.

Wednesday ~

~ 33 mins on treadmill
~ small salad (about half of what I'd been eating)
~ cheeseburger and lf Healthy Choice hotdog

survival

I survived the night without a binge. I was in a really bad place. And it hurt even worse because Stephen blew me off. He said I just thought I was hungry and that the carbs in the spaghetti caused me to feel hungry. He really hurt my feelings. Instead of being supportive, giving me words of encouragement, he made me feel worthless and unimportant. So after a good cry, I went to bed and suffered alone.

Today isn't much better. I'm feeling really down, really blue. Like I haven't a friend in the world. Must be the hormones.

Another gray, nasty day. I did get 33 mins in on the treadmill this morning and a load of laundry done before work. AND I went to Wal-Mart to buy my ungrateful husband a case of bottled water because he's too impatient to wait for his glass to fill in the fridge. Yeah, yeah, I know. I can't live without him. But after days like last night, I sometimes wonder why I think that. LOL!

Tuesday ~

~ 40 mins on treadmill
~ Oatmeal breakfast thing
~ 1 lf chicken bean roll
~ spaghetti

struggling

I'm struggling. I'm really having issues tonight. I'm craving sweets, carbs, anything I shouldn't have. I think part of it is I had a migraine this afternoon. It's gone now, and I'm ravenous. I had a big supper, more than I should have, but I'm still hungry. "hungry" Ha! I'm not really hungry, I'm just feeling depressed and deprived. I'm so tired and frustrated. Maybe a good cry would do the trick. :(

Why is it?

~ that some people just don't get it? I work with a girl who is sweet as can be, but she's got to be either one of the laziest people I've ever known or one of the most absent minded. She'll take a message, not get the person's name who called OR the phone number. Why can't she get this?

~ that some people think the rules don't apply to them? I work with another girl who breaks the company rules left and right and flaunts that she does. Brags about it. And then replies with "they'll let you if you tell them what you want to do." ah, no, they don't. I've asked and was told that they can't break the rules for me because then why even bother having rules.

~ that no matter how much we give, someone always wants more?

~ that my inlaws wait until the last possible minute to spring things on us, and then act put out if we already have plans?

Sure as heck didn't feel like it (I can't seem to get enough sleep lately, no matter how early I get to bed) but I did 40 mins on the treadmill this morning. Still waiting and hoping for that last lb for the mini goal to disappear. 5 more days. *sigh*

I'm waiting anxiously for Thursday. I found out last week the local scrapbook store is having an all day crop on May 20th. I've never been to one, and would really love to go to this one. Stephen has to work, so the timing would be perfect. Plus the gal told me the goodie bag is simply awesome, lots of stuff, new stuff, and way more than our crop fee. They won't take sign ups until Thursday. I have to work. I'm going to try to call as soon as they open and see if they'll take my debit card to register me via phone. I really would love to go. *sigh*

Monday ~

~ 30 mins on the treadmill
~ salad for lunch (I'm really getting burned out on salads)
~ spaghetti
~ ONE hershey's kiss

blah!

Back at work, and man, do I wish I was home. I hate coming back to work after time off. My desk is always covered and everyone has a hundred different questions they want answered. I don't know how I'm supposed to get caught up by the end of the week. I hope I don't have to come in and work after hours, but it may come down to that. It all has to be done before the end of the week because of month end next Monday. *ugh*

I did manage to drag myself out of bed this morning and do 30 mins on the treadmill. I didn't feel like it, not at all. I was hurting and so tired I could barely put one foot in front of the other. But I did it. I am proud to say that makes seven days in a row I've walked. Now to get that scale moving.

Sunday ~

~ 30 (or was it 32?) mins on the treadmill
~ nasty gross cup of yogart
~ veggie fajitas
~ 2 lf chicken bean roll, handful of wheat chips

Sunday

We had more rain today. I know we need it, desperately, but rain is so depressing. I did manage to drag myself out of bed by 7:30 and do 30 mins on the treadmill. I should have done 40, but I'm still a little out of sorts from giving blood. Still down to 200 tho. :)

Stephen has been playing video games most of the weekend. I haven't done much myself either. Been a pretty lazy weekend. Dreading getting back in to the work week tomorrow. We did go for a stroll around the park with Belle last night after supper. The weather was just too nice after all the rain.

Saturday ~

~ 32 mins on treadmill
~ egg beater scrambled eggs with toast and hashbrowns
~ cheeseburger and fries
~ ONE, yes ONE hershey's kiss

Happy Saturday! down 2 lbs!

I was so happy to see the scales down to 200 this morning. I can actually only take credit for ONE of those two tho. We went to donate blood last night and the lady who drew my blood told me to be sure to weight this morning because giving a pint of blood makes you lose one lb. Makes sense to me, but I'm still counting it! :)

I did something really boneheaded this week, and it really pissed me off. I sent a dvd back to Netflix that we hadn't even watched yet! What the heck was I thinking? I went to get it last night to watch and I had the one we'd already seen. Idiot. So now I have to wait about a week for the one I should have sent back to get to them and a replacement to get back to me. Ugh!

I guess it's going to be a lazy Saturday. Stephen is still asleep. It's too wet to mow. He did promise that he'd get the riding lawn mower ready to go today. I think I'm going to go hop on the treadmill. Maybe scrap a little later on.

Friday ~

~ 40 mins on treadmill
~ Quaker Oatmeal breakfast bar
~ roast beef sandwich, half an order of fries
~ cheeseburger and hotdog (from Stephen grilling Thursday night)

the Friday I didn't want to see get here

It's the last day of my vacation, and that's always a sad day to see arrive. But, it's also a good day, because I am down one more lb.

Last night, I was craving chocolate. Or at least I thought I was. I had some Hershey's hugs stashed away. I got 5 out of the jar. Had two and you know what, while they smelled heavenly, they didn't even really taste that good to me. Yahoo!!!

I'm going to get my hair cut today. I'm going to ask him if he could recommend another hair color. I'm not so sure I want to stay my natural red anymore. Red kind of has a nasty taste to me now.

Did 40 mins again this morning. I hope I can keep that up once I get back to work next week.

Thursday ~

~ 40 mins treadmill
~ salad
~ grilled chicken breast, bite of rib and turkey, baked potato
~ TWO Hershey's kisses (I know it's silly, but I'm so proud of myself for resisting!) :)

Thursday review

I'm hoping I've gotten back on track. For two days now the scale has been back down those two lbs I had gained back. So I'm still needing 4 lbs by the 30th to make my mini goal. Not looking good.

I did 40 mins on the treadmill this morning. Did 33 yesterday and 32 Tuesday. We worked in the yard some more yesterday, put out a microscopic garden. I hope we have at least a few tomatoes after all that work. Stephen is back at work so I've had a really lazy day.

This is a very plain layout. But I'm proud of it because I made the paper and tag for this one. I used a brush I had downloaded and altered it to make the embossed paw print. I wish I had more talent when it comes to design.

Tuesday -

~ 32 mins on treadmill
~ 2 pancakes & 2 hashbrowns
~ serving of chili rubbed chicken (frozen meal - and it was delish!)

Wednesday -

~ 33 mins on treadmill
~ breakfast (I made scrambled eggs with egg beaters, bacon and hashbrowns. Shame!)
~ veggie fajitas
~ small blizzard

Catch up

Been busy this weekend. Saturday we got up and worked in the yard for four hours. I was totally and completely beat. Sunday we went out to eat with the inlaws and it was just as bad as I feared. Stephen's nephew was a brat, as usual. And my sister in law showed up with dyed red hair. I don't know why, but it really ticked me off - I'm a natural red head and I'm now thinking of bleaching my hair blonde! Monday we painted the living room - chocolate - and painted the trim to be put up. I didn't walk any of those three days. Shame on me. But after yard work and standing and painting all day, I was too sore to move. I've tried to be good on food but Saturday wasn't so good. Today is Stephen's last day off, so we're going to put the trim up and then just take it easy. Assuming he gets up at some point today.

This layout was a BOM challenge. The papers, ribbon and button are from Amy -http://digitallydesigned.blogspot.com/ -and the tag is from Lauren Bavin.

Friday -

~ 33 mins on treadmill
~ SMALL plate of Chinese food
~ lf chicken bean roll

Saturday -

~ cheeseburger and tots
~ spaghetti
~ small turtlette blizzard :(

Sunday -

~ Dimitri's chicken (lunch out with inlaws)
~ homemade pizza
~ oatmeal bar

Monday -

~ oatmeal bar
~ lf chicken bean roll
~ mini frozen pizza with chips

Gotta get back on track. No way I'm going to make my mini goal if I keep this up. :(

PLUS two pounds :(

Imagine my horror and dismay when I discovered I had gained two pounds this morning. I'm crushed. I've been doing so good, watching what I eat, trying to increase my water, and I gain back two lbs. And it can't be muscle, I haven't been at it long enough. So I guess I'm going to have to cut back even further on my food. I'm so not looking forward to being hungry all the time. *sigh* Words cannot express how demoralized and disheartened I am.

Here's a weight loss layout. The quote is from Rhonda Ferra's 21 day challenge - http://rhonnafarrer.typepad.com/dreamy/ and the papers are from Atomic Cupcake - http://atomiccupcake.com/.


I did 33 mins on the treadmill this morning. I would have walked longer but I had to run some errands before work.

Thursday

~ 35 mins on the treadmill
~ tuna sandwhich and Wheat Sun Chips
~ two lf chicken bean rolls

another one bites the dust!

At the risk of jinxing myself, I stepped on the scales this morning. I know I shouldn't weigh myself more than once a week. But if I start gaining weight, I want to know immediately so I can start cutting back on my food. So I was thrilled to see I was down another pound this morning. That leaves three to my mini goal. Wait, I just reread my mini goal, and it's conflicted. It says UNDER 200, yet lists the wrong number of lbs to GET to under 200. So three lbs will get me TO 200, so I hope to lose four lbs before the end of the month.

Stephen is really dedicated to working out. He's gone every afternoon after work to the gym for 4 1/2 weeks now. I'm very proud of him. He doesn't go on the weekends, but he's up to an hour of cardio work each day now. I feel like a slouch with my lousy 35 mins this morning. But until I can start getting up when he gets up, that's about all I have time for.

I found a yogart I can tolerate. I don't love it, but it's okay. It's called Orange Cream, and is supposed to taste like an Orange Cream ice cream. It doesn't, but I can choke it down. The label said "aids in weight loss". How's that? Just another gimic to sell yogart?

Wednesday ~

~ 32 mins on the treadmill
~ cup of yogart
~ cheeseburger and tater tots for lunch
~ grilled chicken breast, two bites of turkey and a baked potato
~ 3 mini cadbury eggs (these are gone now too, yeah!)

gray Wednesday

Another dreary day here. I can't wait for summer and nice weather. All these clouds are depressing.

About a week ago, we were in line in Wal-Mart. A lady was in front of us with what I assume was her daughter and the daughter's two boys. (The boys called the younger woman mom) I was appalled by what the younger woman was wearing. Her jeans were so low on her hips that you could see too much. And while she was skinny, she had horrible stretchmarks all across her hips and stomach. Her shirt barely covered her bra. Now tell me, why does someone think that ANYONE wants to see her scarred skin?! Heck, why does she think anyone would want to see that much skin at Wal-Mart?! She was clearly dressed to be going out to a bar or a club, which our small town doesn't have. Stephen was embarrassed and took his glasses off so he wouldn't have to see her flaunt herself like that. Heaven help me if we ever have a child because there is NO WAY I will allow them to dress like that as long as I'm paying the bills.

I went home early yesterday with my migraine. I finally called it quits and gave up. My head finally quit hurting and I was able to get some sleep last night. I got up and did 32 mins on the treadmill. I think I was half asleep while I was walking.

Tuesday ~

~ 33 mins on the treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ salad for lunch
~ spaghetti for supper
~ handful of sweet tarts (which are gone! Yeah! No more temptation!)

Another pound gone!

Imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scales this morning and had lost another pound. After the lack of walking and poor food choices, I was stunned to see I'm now down a total of 6 lbs. This leaves me 4 to lose for my mini goal.

I walked for 33 mins this morning, even tho I didn't feel like it. I woke up with a headache and now, I'm sorry to say, it's looking more and more like a migraine. Ugh!

Busy day today at work. I have a ton of regular stuff to do plus a mass mailing that has to be finished before I leave for vacation. Hard to concentrate on work when your head is pounding like a drum.

Monday ~

~ no treadmill :(
~ Quaker oats breakfast bar
~ salad for lunch
~ grilled chicken breast and two bites of grilled turkey, baked potato
~ handful of those sweet tarts again. :(

sunny Monday

It's Monday, again. *sigh*

I had a pretty busy weekend. Friday night was stormy. Again. The worst of it missed us. Stephen got called in to work Friday night. They had a lightning strike and the computers were down. The guy whose job it is to be on call when the boss is out of town wouldn't do squat to fix the problem. Big surprise there.

Stephen had to work Saturday. I got up, did 33 mins on the treadmill. I did a very slow "jog" for 2 mins three times during that 33 mins. Then I cleaned the house. I got cleaned up, rented a movie and enjoyed the rest of my afternoon.

Sunday I didn't walk. I should have. Stephen put his second curio together in the game room and I finished a stupid book that someone had recommended to me. It was terrible. I cleaned up the grill, and once Stephen was done with the curio, he grilled for us. We have enough leftovers for the whole week. I love that.

Didn't walk this morning either. The weather is changing, again, and my sinuses were full and hurting. I'm never going to lose the weight this way. *double sigh*

Saturday ~

~ 33 mins on the treadmill
~ lf bagle
~ chicken fajitas

Sunday ~

~ veggie fajitas
~ small chicken breast, small rib, two bites of turkey and a small baked potato
~ no treadmill :(

TGIF!

Thank goodness it's Friday! It's sad, but I live for Fridays. Wishing my life away, a week at a time.

I was bad this morning. I didn't get up and walk. Even tho I went to bed early, I was so darn tired. My head was hurting (I think it's the nasty, stormy weather) so I didn't force myself to get up. I should have, really, esp since I was so bad on the food yesterday. But I did go ahead and step on the scales, largely to see if I was still down my original 4 lbs, and I'm down one more lb to 5 total. So now I only have 5 to go to reach my mini goal. I'm going to try my best to walk when I get home tonight, but no promises.

No real plans for the weekend. I hope to clean the house and maybe work on my scrapping a little. It's supposed to clear off some time tomorrow, but I think it will still be too wet to mow the yard. It's looking really nasty and needs a good clip.

Thursday ~

~ lf bagel
~ small heath blizzard (bad Sussann!!)
~ bowl of soup
~ handful of sweet tart bunnies and chickens and ducks (double bad!!)

mini goal #1

Okay, so I've thought about this for a while this morning. I think I've settled on a first mini goal. So here goes:

By April 30th - get under 200 lbs. This will give me 24 days to lose 6 lbs. That's a little less than 2 lbs a week. I'd like to think I can do it quicker than this, but I don't want to be unrealistic.

I also need to increase my water consumption. So by April 30th, I need to be up to 10 glasses of water a day. 80 oz. I can do that, right?

April Showers....

I woke up to a gentle sprinkle hitting the window this morning. It's so hard for me to get up when it's raining like that. I laid there, kept thinking just five more minutes. It's been raining off and on all morning - the good kind of rain, the nurishing rain that makes everything so lush and green this time of year.

I was thinking last night, I totally love the way we rearranged the furniture upstairs this weekend. What was once a cramped living room is open and inviting. I think a lot of it has to do with taking down the curtains in that room. We have a huge picture window in addition to a regular window in that room. I loved the curtains and rods that were in there - Stephen hated them, naturally. So I took them down to wash this weekend and the next thing I knew, he had taken the rods and hardware down off the walls! So I couldn't put the curtains back up if I wanted to. But shhhh, don't tell, I don't want to! I love how light the room is now, how open. It's amazing how subtracting from a room can make things look so much better. Now to get some fresh paint on those walls. We painted Tender Taupe in that room in 2000. I thought I was being so bold with that color. I've since discovered color on walls is a good thing, and that it won't run off potential buyers. So we're going to go with a brown in that room. Something rich and inviting. While I hate painting with a passion, I can't wait to get it done.

I did 30 mins on the treadmill this morning. A friend sent me some exercises to try for my hip. Thank you Cindy! I'm hoping they will help and I can increase my time walking soon. Such a long road ahead of me. Sometimes it seems impossible. I think I need to set mini goals to keep from losing perspective. I'll need to do some thinking on that.

Wednesday ~

~ lf bagel
~ salad for lunch
~ two lf chicken bean rolls

HHD!

Wendesday. Halfway thru the week. Only 7 1/2 more work days until I'm on vacation. I'm SOOOO ready for a vacation. Seems like forever since I was off in November last year.

I managed 30 mins on the treadmill this morning. My hips were feeling better for the most part. I have no idea what's up with that. Makes zero sense to me.

I wasn't sure if I should post this, I'm half afraid of jinxing myself, but I have to tell someone. And since Stephen has already lost TEN pounds, I can't tell him. I weighed yesterday and again this morning, to be sure. I've lost four pounds. I know it's not even a drop in the bucket, but after being so disheartened at not losing any at all, this is a huge boost for me. I just did the math. It's 5% of what I want to lose. *sigh* At least those stupid scales moved, right?

Tuesday ~
~ 24 mins on the treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ a cheese ravioli lean cuisine meal
~ wheat spaghetti for supper
~ and as a treat, 3 mini cadbury eggs.

Tuesday

Well, I got back on the treadmill this morning. I didn’t think I was going to make it, but I finally dragged myself out of bed (15 mins later than I SHOULD have gotten up) and did 24 mins on the treadmill. I don’t know if I could have done more even if I had gotten up earlier. My GOOD hip is now hurting worse than my bad hip. I HAVE to get this weight off some way, some how before it kills me.

Last night was pretty lazy. I was too tired to walk when I got home, so I made burgers on the Foreman grill and we watched a dvd. I had hoped to work on a layout, either digital or traditional, but I just didn’t get to it. *sigh*

Monday ~

~ no treadmill :(

~ salad for lunch

~ cheeseburger and tater tots for supper

just another Monday

I am depressed. Couldn't get up this morning. The time change and waking up at 4:30 Sunday really has hurt me. I should have walked this morning, but I just couldn't get out of bed. And I REALLY should have walked because I stepped on the stupid scales. I haven't lost an ounce! I'm so sad. I was afraid I was going to have to starve myself to make this work, but I'm just not there yet. *sigh*

We had some really high winds and thunderstorms yesterday and last night. Thankfully we didn't have any damage.

Sunday -

~ no treadmill. :(
~ cold pizza for lunch
~ wheat chips for a snack
~ two LF chicken bean rolls :(

Man, just even writing that is depressing. I swear some days life just sucks.

worn out & time change

That's it. I'm frazzled. Worn out. Tee-totally. I got up about 8 yesterday and as soon as Stephen got up, we started working. Had a super quick breakfast and took the old couch to the dump. Thankfully we'd loaded it the night before - I say we, but it was actually Stephen and a friend from work. Stephen and I were struggling to get the thing in the truck (it was so heavy - it was 8 feet long with a recliner in each end) when one of his friends from work drove by. Thank heaven's he did, or we'd still be struggling with it. So we dumped that, came home, loaded up some junk, an empty box, some brush, an old computer case and ran back to the dump. Came home, moved the love seat from upstairs to down. Moved the couch and loveseat (BOTH with recliners!) upstairs. Moved the recliners. Started rearranging the furniture in the upstairs living room. Got it mostly the way we want it. Put a video cabinet together. Just waiting for Stephen to wire everything back up. We want to paint in that room, but it will have to wait til I'm off on vacation. We also went to Lowe's and priced those window shutter treatments. About $800 for the two windows in that room. Ouch!! For some reason I will never understand Stephen hates the curtains and rods that are in that room. Oh well. Finally called it quits about 8pm last night. Was bad, we had pizza for supper. But at we didn't eat lunch, so at least it was better than it could have been. I didn't have the energy to walk. Not sure if I will today or not. I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. So I'm up and at it, with only 4 1/2 hrs of sleep. LOVE that it will be daylight still once I get home from work. HATE getting up in the dark tho. Oh well.

Happy Sunday!

Friday -
~32 mins on the treadmill
~bagel for breakfast
~cup of Mexican veggie soup and half a pimento cheese sandwich, 4 or 5 potato chips
~two low fat chicken bean rolls (I know, shame on me!!)


Saturday -
~Breakfast burrito from Sonic
~one french toast stick
~pizza for supper, no lunch.
~no treadmill :( {BUT I was on my feet moving for about 12 hrs straight}

Thanks, and a wet Friday

but still a Friday! :)

First, the thanks. I did a very, very small favor for a friend a few weeks back. She thanked me, I told her I was more than happy to do it, and never gave it a second thought. I came home one night this week to a package from her. She'd sent me a thank you card and some lovely goodies. It was so unnecessary and so totally unexpected, but it totally made my day. How sweet that she thought enough of the tiny favor I did her to do that in return for me.

So, it's raining here. Blah! I got up this morning and did 32 mins on the treadmill. My hip is hurting already. Guess I over did it. I had hoped that since I was feeling better I was past that. Guess again. But I did it, I walked every week day this week. I don't plan on walking tomorrow. I hope to do some work in the yard and rearranging of furniture in the house instead. We'll see if any of it gets done.

just a quick WooHoo!

I was dog tired when I got home from work but I forced myself to do 28 mins on the treadmill. Yeah!!

~ 28 mins on treadmill
~ low fat chicken bean roll for lunch
~ bowl of super noodle casserole for supper

:)

should have posted Wednesday

but it was a long, long day. By the time I got home from class I was too tired to post. I got up at 5:30. Managed to walk on the treadmill and still get to my class on time. Considering I had to eat fast food, I think I managed to do pretty good.

One of the ladies in the class hurt my feelings. Big surprise there. She asked me when my baby was due. Considering I had to sit behind the fat hag (yes, she was very over weight too!) the rest of the day, I bit my tongue and just said, oh I'm not pregnant and changed the subject. Why in heaven's name do people think it's okay to ask questions like that?! Maybe I should have countered with "when is your baby due you fat witch?" But in the spirit of killing her with kindness, I didn't say a word. *sigh*

Soooo, Tuesday's day ended up like this:

~ 25 mins on the treadmill
~ a bagel for breakfast
~ a salad for lunch
~ a low fat chicken bean roll for supper
~ four wheat crackers with reduced fat peanut butter

Then Wednesday:

~ 25 mins on the treadmill
~ a bagel for breakfast
~ a roast beef and cheddar sandwich with a few fries for lunch
~ a chocolate chip cookie (they had them in the seminar room, and I know I should have resisted!)
~ a low fat chicken bean roll for supper with a small serving of wheat Sunchips
~ two wheat crackers with reduced fat peanut butter

I should have walked this morning but I woke up with a headache and just couldn't force myself out of bed. Maybe I can walk when I get home from work. Heaven knows I need to!

Tuesday, blue Tuesday

I'm sorry to say my blue mood is persisting. I can't seem to shake it. Maybe today will be a better day, right? Last night didn't help any. Stephen decided he wanted to watch Family Guy again. I left the room.

I walked on the treadmill yesterday and again this morning. I'm hoping and praying I can get in to some sort of routine, do something to get moving. I don't know if I'll be able to get up early enough tomorrow to walk before work. I have to leave the house by 6:40 because I have a meeting out of town tomorrow all day. That means I'd need to get up at 5:30 to walk, and I don't know if I can do that.

Here's how yesterday broke down:

~ 25 mins on the treadmill
~ a low fat brown sugar cinnamon bagel for breakfast
~ a salad for lunch
~ spaghetti for supper

Not too bad, considering. I even managed to just drink water and diet sodas, so that was a good thing. We'll see how today goes. I know tomorrow I will be bad with the food because I have to eat on the road. They only give us 45 mins for lunch, so that limits where I can eat - fast food.

Hurt feelings

I debated about blogging this, but maybe it will help me feel better about what happened. I know I'm being silly, but words and actions hurt, and I'm only human and can't help that Stephen hurt me.

He is a big cartoon fan, watches the Simpsons and Family Guy religiously, among other shows. Family Guy last night was about the wife gaining weight. They had a pregnancy scare, and the wife told the husband he had to get a vasectomy. So the husband lost interest in sex and the wife felt neglected and turned to food. So as the wife got fatter, the husband began insulting her. Really ugly, hateful stuff. Stephen laughed hysterically at it. Thought it was the funniest thing in the world. And it hurt my feelings.

I am fat. Obese. Whatever you want to call it, I'm it. I know I'm fat, but I also know I'm weak. I lost a bunch of weight in 1999, only to gain every single pound and then some back after my father died. Now Stephen isn't skinny either. He has joined a gym to try to lose his weight just recently. So he's aware he's not skinny either. So why did I feel that every time he laughed, he was laughing at me? That he was seeing ME, that he was thinking of our marriage and how I'm not attractive any more. That he wished I would lose weight so he woulndn't be ashamed of me. I know if I try to talk to him about it, he'll deny it and tell me I'm being overly sensative. And I'm sure I am being overly sensative. But he hurt my feelings and I know he'll never admit he might have been inconsiderate in what he did.

So now here I sit, wallowing in self pity, upset with my husband, bitter because I'm so weak and lazy. Crushed to think that Stephen might be thinking those horrible things about me, and worse, knowing they're true. What a way to start a week....

Layout with Amy's Rakscrap freebie

Here's a layout using Amy's Rakscrap freebie - you can see Amy's awesome work at http://digitallydesigned.blogspot.com/. I'm not sure I did her fabulous kit justice with my layout, but I really enjoyed using it.

Kind of a lazy day weekend. I woke up Saturday morning with my hip hurting pretty bad. I had to get up and put the heat pad on it. We didn't make it to the dump to throw away the couch. Just too darn tired and Stephen's back hurt.

We had GC's to Applebee's, so we ate a late lunch/early supper. Yummy.

Today was another lazy day. Watched a dvd and now I'm waiting on supper to finish. I'm making Super Noodle Casserole. Pretty tasty. Plus I love anything that gives me leftovers for the week. I have to go to a continuing education class this week, so it will be nice to not have to worry about supper since I'll probably get home late.