....blue got worse.....

so on the way home from work Monday, I had to stop and pay the water bill. They have a drop box that has these poles on either side to keep you from running over it. My car is very low to the ground and I'm short, so I have to get close to the box or I have to open the door and risk dinging the door to put the payment in the box. I was feeling so bad (dizzy, sick at my stomach, had the shakes really bad) and probably had no business driving in the first place, but I wasn't paying close enough attention apparently. I got to close and when I went to pull away, I scraped the back of the car against one of those poles. Dented the wheel well on the drivers side. I was so mad at myself. I started crying and I could stop. I mean, I cried for an hour and a half and litterally could not stop. I think it was just the last straw, stress, hormones, the new med, the fact that I messed up the first new car I've ever owned, I just broke.

Today is a little better. I'm pleased to report I don't have a headache. Knock on wood. I'm up to 35 mins at 3.5 mph on the treadmill. As short as I am, that's nearly a jog for me. Today was really hard tho. I think I have a stone bruise on my left heel. And I've tweeked the muscle in my right thigh. It's tight and sore, but I still kept at it. Being old sucks, in case I have said it lately. But at least I'm not crying hysterically today. That's always a plus. :)

......blue.......

....that would be me.....blue.....deeply, completely, tee-totally blue. Completely in a funk. So far down I can't even see the light at the top of the hole I'm in. And I have no one to talk to about it. No one who will understand. You see, after losing those four lbs from starting the new migraine meds, I've not lost a single ounce. Not a half an ounce. And I've been good. Very good. I've been walking. Speed walking. 3.4 mph on the treadmill 5 days a week. Watching what I eat, being good. I've tried to talk to my husband about it. All I get from him is "you should exercise for the sake of exercising and improving your health, not for weight loss". People tell me I'm eating too little food. Then they tell me I'm eating too much food. Sorry, you can't have it both ways! 1300-1500 calories a day. Enough water to float a battle ship. And I'm stuck at 190. With no one to talk to who'll understand. No one that has a shoulder I can cry on. No one who will just listen without passing judgement. *sigh*

.....so.....I'm blue....so very blue.....and no end in sight.......

Be thankful for what you've been given.

This is so hard to remember. It's so easy to get caught up in the "I wish I had this" or the "my life would be perfect if" game. So today I'm going to try to look at the things I should be thankful for. But first some business to take care of.

Three winners were chosen for the digital drawer contest. Big surprise, I wasn't one. One was a baby layout, which I knew would happen. I guess I just don't have what it takes.

I canned 9 1/2 quarts of tomato juice last night. I was so tired when I was done I couldn't keep my eyes open. It will be so nice to have fresh juice for chili this winter tho.

That job I applied for about 3 weeks ago? I emailed them about a week after I sent my resume, telling them how excited I was and asking if I could schedule an appt for an interview. I got a HATEFUL message on the answering machine stating that they were waiting to get all the resumes in before making any appts and they'd be in touch. Nothing since. No email, no phone calls. So by showing my excitement and asking for an appt I screwed myself out of a chance for an enterview. Jerks. Of course if they're going to be that big of jerks, it doesn't sound like a place I'd really want to work anyway.

I've been getting back in to the walking and diet thing. I walked Thursday, Friday, Monday and Tuesday. I got up to walk this morning, but Stephen was in bed sick with a sinus headache, so I didn't do it. The treadmill makes so much racket, and I have to have the tv on or I go nuts, so I'll try to walk after work today. I'm still at 190, but I'm seeing results. I took my measurements this morning, and while the tape measure doesn't show I'm losing inches, my clothes tell a different story. I put on a pair of dress pants today that aren't tight, but the way the pockets are made, the pockets have always flaired out. They are too freakin' big!! The pockets now lay right and I could actually use a belt! WooHoo!!

And here's a quick layout I did last night with a Free Pea kit from Rhonna Farrar from Two Peas in a Bucket. I just love her work!



So, now for the some of things I'm thankful for and take for granted:

* a job that, which I don't like, does help pay the bills.

* a home, a lovely, if older home, that has a modest monthly mortgage payment and will be ours in roughly 12 years.

* a husband, who loves me unconditionaly, who frustrates me, brings me great joy, and who I truly would be lost without.

* a wonderful mother in law and father in law, who treat me as tho I'm their own child, even if I don't agree with all of their decisions.

* my health, if my only major complaint is headaches and migraines, I am so very, very fortunate.

this and that

* I entered my drawer in the contest. The contest closed last night. Not sure when the winner will be announced. I don't stand a chance of winning, but I did at least have fun making the project.

* The new med they gave me seems to be helping, knock on wood. I'm still having a few little headaches, but they seem to respond to regular meds. I have had one migraine, but to be fair, I'd only take four pills and there wasn't hardly any med built up in my system.


* The new med seems to have a lovely side effect of weight loss. I lost 4 lbs in the first week I was on it. Gotta love that. That makes me currently 190, the lowest I've weighed since 2000.

* The new med has a nasty side effect. It makes soda, all soda (diet or regular) taste like crap. I thought coffee was going to be okay. I had a cup on Saturday and it tasted okay. I had a cup this morning and nearly gagged.

Today's quote: Find life's treasures in simple pleasures.

what do you think?

This is my first attempt at a contest entry. It's for Corina Nielson's printers drawer contest. I'm really not sure I should even bother entering it, given the entries that are already posted. I think I'm WAAAAY out of my league.

Here's the link to her blog and the contest entries:

http://thisrealtor.blogspot.com/2006/07/printers-drawer-contest-entries.html

Tuesday

I've been agonizing over this layout for almost a week. The sketch was from Club Scrap and I liked the idea of "framing" the pictures with the lines of paper. What was hard was I had my pictures printed too large! At least it's finally done and in my album.

I'm still not happy with this new med for my headaches and migraines. I'm still having horrible dreams and I'm not sleeping good at all. I can't tell if the headaches aren't improving because of the meds or because I just can't sleep. Thursday will be two weeks, and the PA told me to come back if it wasn't better in two weeks. *sigh*

page

Page in my Club Scrap mini album made from the Collections kit. The brackets I had were too thick for this album, so I traced them on thinner cardboard.

I went to the dr Thursday after work. I told them I had to have something, anything to deal with these daily headaches and migraines. She gave me a med to try. So far all it's done is make me so tired I can barely keep my eyes open and I've been having very disturbing, vivid dreams that I can't get back to sleep from. Something has to give. :(

fireworks

We are fortunate to live in a small town that has a Briggs & Stratton factory in it. Briggs generously sponsors a fantastic fireworks show each year. Now that we live in town, we can walk over to the park (literally next door to our house) and watch the fireworks from there.

This is a layout based on a Becky Higgins sketch of the fireworks this year.

Assembly Line Scrapbooking with Club Scrap +one

These first two layouts are curtesy of the Assembly Line Scrapbooking class Tricia from Club Scrap held on Thursday night. We sat down with a Club Scrap kit of papers and goodies and premade layouts. Then after, all you do is slap the pictures on. I did have to rearrange the mattes on the Determination layout. I didn't have enough vertical pics for it. Seems I don't take that many pictures with the camera tilted. I need to work on varying my shots more. As it is, they tend to all look the same.














And this is a quick layout with the Paisley kit from Club Scrap. We took this picture Friday night after the Squeelin' on the Square festival downtown. It was hotter than hot and we walked down to the square AFTER both giving blood. Idiots.

Tomatoes

This is a super quick layout using freebies from Atomic Cupcake. Can't wait til these beauties turn red....yum!

Layout Sunday

Thought I'd share a couple of layouts I did today. This one is one of the photos we had made back in 1992 that we used for our engagement announcement. The paper is all Club Scrap. The stsamp is a clear unmounted stamp by Heidi Swapp. VERY reasonably priced, and very cute. She has several different words and phrases out, and I hope she comes out with more.

This is a digital I made using a kit I bought from Scrap Outside the Box. Since Stephen has lost so much weight, he's feeling better and thought he'd see if he could swing a golf club again. We went to the driving range last night and hit a bucket of range balls.

Believe and trust in yourself.

What this quote should also have went on to say is "because when it comes down to it, all you have to count on is yourself!"

Don't hurry by life's little detours.

Seems like there have been a lot of detours in my life lately. Unfortunately they aren't the kind that you want, like stopping to smell the roses or enjoying a sunset or sunrise. They've been the mad rush, can't slow down, wish life would just be kind once in a while kinds of detours. Maybe some day.

I'm in a bad spot right now and I really don't know how to get out of it. I'm in about the worst depression I've had, excluding the one when my father died. I don't have any energy, I don't have any drive, and I really don't have any desire to do anything. I get up (late, I might add), go to work, come home, cook supper, do laundry, go to bed. I feel like crap 95% of the time. I've been having almost daily headaches again. I don't feel like exercising, or watching what I eat. And my darling husband is crushing my soul. All I've heard for the last four days is how great HE'S doing on his diet, how much weight he's lost, how the brand new pants we ordered in a smaller size are too big, how his BOSS is so proud of him, how he and his boss are having a contest to see who can run the fastest. How I need to "work thru it", "suck it up" and exercise even if I feel like crap, have a headache or a migraine. I'm sure I'm a big fat embarrassment to him. That he's ashamed to be seen with me. And I guess he should be. I am a big fat embarrassment, and I am lazy and unmotivated. But I don't need him to tell me that. I'm well aware of those facts.

There are days I just wish I could curl up in a corner and die.

Attitude is everything.

Today's quote says a lot for only three little words. I know my attitude sucks on a lot of things, especially things like work and dealing with the nephew from Hades. So I need to add this to my list of things to work on. If I go in to work with a bad attitude (which happens 99% of the time here lately) there's no reason for me to expect to have a good day. People can sense my rotten mood and they key off it. I need to do a better job of being positive and put a smile on my face.

I tried to blog yesterday but I never could connect. I walked 35 mins yesterday but was bad on food - over 1800 calories. ugh. I woke up with a headache this morning and I didn't walk today. I'm never going to get this weight off unless I can improve my ATTITUDE. :)

Each new day is a new beginning of life.

At least I hope it is. This is the quote on my desk today. I'm going to try hard to make that a truth and not just a quote.

I tried so hard to get to bed early last night. "Early" ended up being 9:30, which is much better than the 11:30 or midnight of the last few days, but still not as early as I had hoped. My alarm went off at 5:40 and I was still so darn exhausted. After hitting the snooze alarm SEVERAL times, I finally got up, got on the stupid treadmill. I only did 30 mins. In part because I slept too late, in part because my stupid hip was hurting. Again. But at least it's a start. I'm back on the water again too.

I have to make this a new life. I have to change the way I think of food and exercise and life in general. I've only done one thing in my life that was harder than this.

A group I'm on had a Scrap from your Stash challenge that ran from May 20th to June 3rd. I did 319 pages in that time. And I didn't do the most on the group. But I am so thrilled that I got so much done. I have my album from NYC completed, the album from a Packers preseason football game last year done, 2005 done, 2004 done, and I'm almost up to date on 2006. I have a huge stack of layouts for Annabelle's album. And I even did a few BOM layouts. AND I finally got Stephen's Star Trek album done from the convention we went to in 2002. So nice to have some progress finally somewhere in my life.

Give the world the best you have!

This sounds so easy at first read. Give the world the best you have! But how many times am I guilty of just mailing it in? Doing just enough to get by? Putting a bandaid on the problem so that I don't have to deal with it that day/week?

I need to make a consious effort to improve on this. To give 100% each and every time I do something, whether it's cooking supper, work, scrapbooking or dieting. Especially dieting.

Perhaps tomorrow I can get up early enough to walk. Last night was a good night's sleep. I didn't wake up with a coughing spell, I had some good REM sleep. But it just wasn't enough. Maybe tomorrow I can get up early and walk. I certainly need to get back on track. Didn't even come close to making my May goal. Altho down 3 lbs is certainly better than UP 3 lbs.

They are rich who have friends. - Scandinavian Proverb

I have a little quote dispenser on my desk. This quote popped up last week, and I've been giving it a lot of thought lately. A good friend (my internet buddy) told me the other day that her boss used to tell her if she had one good friend, one true friend that she could call in the middle of the night, no matter what, that she was lucky. I've been thinking of this and wondering who I would call in the middle of the night if I needed something. Needed someone to help me in the middle of the night, to go to the Emergency Room with me, to bail me out of jail. I have "friends" but unfortunately my true friends live across the country. Not much chance of calling them to bail me out of jail or hold my hand at the hospital.

That got me to thinking about my funeral. Will any one attend? Would any one truly miss me? Oh, I know Stephen would, and if his family was alive, they would come to the funeral. But how many of my "friends" would come? Would anyone cry?

So I ask you, do YOU have a true friend? A friend you could call at 3am? A friend who would hold your hand when you were sick? A friend who would be there if you were dying?

They are rich who have friends. Yes, but I would say "They are rich who have TRUE friends".

fitday.com

A lady on a scrapping group posted about fitday.com. I went to check it out. Looks really useful. Has lots of tracking info. I'm going to try to use it for a few days and see how I like it.

Still feel like crap. May even go home early today. Altho Stephen is off work today (he works Saturday), so I don't know that it would be a good idea if I did go home early. I'm close to caught up at work, so I'm bored out of my mind today. Oh, no walking again today.

Scrapped some more last night. I'm hoping to start working on my album from my trip to NYC in 1990. I think I've got it all organized, so hopefully it will go together pretty quickly.


Monday ~

~ oatmeal breakfast bar
~ left over veggie fajitas
~ bowl lf chili
~ still eating those darn kisses :(

Monday

How about something positive from me for a change? I had a good time at the crop Saturday. I was worried about the cramped space and not knowing anyone, but it worked out fine. I was the third person there and managed to snag a table in the back so I could have my back against the wall. A lady came in while I was putting my stuff down and asked if I was alone and if she could join me. So that worked out nice. The 5 ladies in front of us were pretty rude tho. I'd always been told croppers were very friendly, loaned tools etc. Not these gals! The freebies were pretty good and I got 37 two page layouts finished. Not a bad day's work. Esp considering I was still sick. Still am today too.

The food was good at the crop. They served us bbq sandwiches with sides for lunch, a root beer float mid afternoon (that I skipped) and pizza for supper. I think if I get a chance to go to one of these again, I'll have to do it. I'll have to take a picture of all the goodies we got too and post that. I won a trivia contest and won a plastic SEI 12x12 album that matches their Fruit Stand line - and matched the gob of papers we got as goodies. And then the gal I shared a table with and I won second place which was a mini album in the "10 Things I love about"....line. Can't remember who makes that.

I had so hoped to get back to walking and getting back in the groove of things. No go. Maybe tomorrow.

Sunday ~

~ veggie fajitas
~ pepper jack chicken and pasta dish
~ Skinny Cow ice cream treat
~ handful of Hershey's kisses (I really have to stop this)

plus two pounds and nothing to say

Woke up feeling like crap. Stephen has given me the crud he's been sick with for a week. Didn't walk this morning. Stupid scales say I've gained two pounds. Nothing good to say, so I'm outta here.

~ Wednesday

~43 mins treadmill
~lf bagel
~salad (really getting sick of those babies)
~veggie fajitas
~Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich

Wednesday

Nothing positive to say, on any subject. Fed up, tired, ticked off. 'Nuff said 'bout that.

Tuesday ~
~ 35 mins treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ blizzard for lunch :(
~ spaghetti
~ WW ice cream sandwich

odds & ends

~ Grey's Anatomy - I am so furious with the writers. Furious that they killed off Denny, furious that they wrote that scene with Meredith and Sheppard. I hope I can calm down over the summer because right now, I'm so mad I wouldn't watch it if it was on tonight.

~ weight loss - what can I say? Non-existant. It's pathetic and I'm fed up and I'm just about ready to throw in the towel. I've been busting my rear and it's all been a big waste of time. Worse, I have to watch Stephen, who easily eats twice as much as I do, lose lb after lb. He's down some 23 lbs now. I'm happy for him, thrilled, but it makes my depression worse.

~ family - we had the lunch from Hades Sunday. Stephen's nephew spent the entire two hour ordeal CRYING his eyes out and no one, not a soul told him to straighten up, act like a 10 yr old, behave, nothing. Why was he crying? Because he was STARVING, had a sunburn (I've had worse burns from hot showers), didn't want to wait, and kept getting beat on his game boy game. Can we say brat? Can we say bust his butt? Can we say embarrassed and mortified and ashamed to the point I won't be able to show my face in the restaurant again? Worse, Stephen was just as fed up and swore he'd call his mother and tell her we weren't going out with them again until someone made his nephew behave. And of course now that he's calmed down, he keeps "forgetting" to call. I told him that's fine. But I'm not going to any functions that involve the devil-spawn nephew.

~ promises broken - I found some really old photos that needed touching up a few weeks ago. I scanned them in, asked Stephen to help me restore them (he's the expert) so I could scrap them, preferrably at the crop this weekend. I asked him three times, he kept saying, yes, I'll work on it later today/tonight/tomorrow. Sunday he promised he'd help ME do them so I'd know how in the future. Fine. He didn't help me. Monday he came home from work and promised again that he'd help me with them after supper. Again, he didn't help. I don't mind that he's not helping me, for whatever laim reason, what bothers me is he keeps saying he'll help me, promising he'll help me and never does. I always prefer a hurtful, disappointing truth over a flat out lie like this.

Saturday -

~ no treadmill, but an hour+ of yard work
~ can't remember what I ate

Sunday -

~ no treadmill
~ Demitries chicken, baked potato, salad
~ Skinny Cow ice cream cone thingy
~ fiesta chicken burrito
~ WW ice cream sandwich

Monday -
~ 32 mins treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ salad
~ chicken breast, two bites of turkey (both grilled), baked potato
~ WW ice cream sandwich
~ nearly ff popcorn

Saturday

Woke up with another stinking headache today. sigh. I should be out mowing the lawn, but Stephen hasn't offered to move to help me and I refuse to do it all by myself, esp with my head hurting. Haven't walked either today. I am preplanning a little. OH! Found out a lovely piece of info this morning. My darling dear husband LIED to me about his work schedule. When I signed up for the crop at the lss, he swore to me he was working that day. So I didn't feel the least bit quilty about signing up. This morning I asked him what he was going to do with his Monday off. He said "I'm not off Monday, I work the 27th." OMG!!! I'm livid with him! I told him there was no way I could get my money refunded for the crop and what the heck am I supposed to do now?! The ONLY reason I signed up was because he had to work so I wanted something to do while he was working. I don't want to have to skip my crop, but I know it's not right for me to go when he's not working and that he WILL be working the next weekend. I'm just sick about it.

Friday ~

~ 35 mins treadmill
~ roast beef sandwich, half order of fries
~ half a grilled chicken breast, one rib, baked potato
~ rice cake
~ handful of Hershey's kisses :(

why even bother?

It's been a really, really ugly week. I pushed myself, got up at 5am on Wed so I could walk before having to go to my Continuing Education class out of town, resisted the donuts at the meeting, didn't have a cookie at the afternoon break. Behaved myself. Woke up yesterday with a migraine and couldn't see straight. Didn't walk, stayed home from work, felt lousy all day and all night. Binged on chocolate. Bad. Really bad. I still managed to drag myself out of bed this morning and walk for 35 mins. Fat lot of good it will do me. I had walked 23 days straight up until yesterday. *sigh*

So at the CE class I was at Wed, I couldn't help but notice what the people were wearing. Why is it that people who are overweight think they can pour their bodies in to clothes that are two sizes too small and that it looks good? That we want to see their butt crack and the thong lines coming OUT of the butt crack? It was disgusting. I noticed 7 people in our class of 24 that were wearing clothes that were at least two sizes too small. Even if I never lose another lb, I swear I will never wear disgustingly tight clothes like that. Ick!

Tuesday ~
~ 40 mins treadmill
~ salad
~ rice cake
~ spaghetti
~ 14 glasses of water

Wed ~
~ 35 mins treadmill
~ zesty chicken bowl
~ half a grilled chicken breast, one pork rib, baked potato
~ 8 glasses of water (kind of hard to drink water while you're sitting in a classroom all day with limited breaks)

Thursday ~
~ no treadmill (migraine)
~ salad
~ hershey's kisses. Lots of hershey's kisses
~ grilled cheeseburger, tater tots

slump

I'm afraid I'm in a slump. Today has been really, really hard. I got up, just knowing that after a week of nothing the scale would move. Nadda, nothing, zilch. So, I didn't give up hope. I walked (40 mins) even tho I right knee was hurting so bad last night I couldn't sleep (it kept me up until 3am when I finally just passed out from exhaustion), showered, and got out the tape measure. I just KNEW I would have lost an inch or two somewhere. Not only did I not lose even a single inch, I GAINED TWO. I had thought I would at least lose a half inch in my thighs (which are starting to LOOK decent) or maybe my hips (in my rear end). But no, I GAIN TWO INCHES. How demoralizing.

And then Stephen has to tell me at lunch when I tell him why I'm so depressed that I'm not trying hard enough. That I have to BURN 3500 calories to lose a pound, not burn and consume less. He tells me I need to walk faster. I'm litterally walking as fast as I can without running/jogging. So then he tells me instead of 45 mins of walking I need to walk an hour and 45 mins every day. I asked him when exactly he thought I had time to do that. It was horrible. It was ugly. And now I want to just throw up my hands and say who gives a damn.

I have a meeting tomorrow so I don't know if I'll be able to get up early enough to walk or not. I need to leave the house by 6:45, so that means I'll have to get up at 5 if I want to get my walking in. Since I didn't sleep hardly at all last night, I'm not sure if I'll be able to get up or not.

Monday ~

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ roast beef sandwich, half an order of fries
~ small salad and a baked potato, dressed with FF stuff.
~ 16 glasses of water

Monday

Hard to believe another weekend has come and gone. I swear it seems like just last week it was Christmas. Didn't get as much done this weekend as I had hoped, but I did get a few things done at least.

13 years ago today I graduated from college. On the 12th I will have worked at my current job for 13 years. And on May 18th, it will be 16 years since I was in high school. I really, really am starting to feel old.

Sure would have loved to have slept in this morning, but got up anyway. Did 45 mins on the treadmill while watching Grey's. Wish it was quitting time.

Sunday ~

~ 21 mins treadmill
~ veggie fajitas
~ Ranch flavored rice cake
~ lf bowl of chili
~ lf popcorn

weekend review

Saturday I preplanned some more for the crop and played with my new-to-me MP3 player. I bought it off ebay so I could have it for the crop, just in case. I have it loaded with songs and can't wait to take a walk in the park to try it out. I also did 37 mins on the treadmill.

Today I tried to walk again but about 4 mins in, my head started killing me. I pushed on but finally gave up at 21 mins. My head has been killing me for the last 6 hours. I know it's a migraine, but I refuse to give in to it. I took some meds, ran out to buy a second SD card for my MP3 player (512megs at Office Depot for $25, talk about a steal), two pairs of Nikes (also on sale!) and a sheet of paper and two embellies for two layouts that I've got preplanned but still needed something. Now I'm waiting for my hair color to set - going Strawberry Blonde. I decided I'm tired of migraines stopping me. I'm going to feel miserable laying on the couch or in bed, so I may as well do something I want to do, even if I feel miserable doing it.

I also have enough proofs of purchase for the Skinny Cow treat Scrapbook organizer. Bummed that it won't get here in time for my crop. But I found a "sewing" tin that looks like a plumber's tool kit that I'm going to try to dress up for it. Would love to make them to sell, but the tin was almost $7 by itself. Not sure how well it would go over, so I don't know if I dare to try to make one up to sell and then get stuck with it.

Gotta run, time to rinse my hair!

Friday -

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ grilled chicken sandwich, third of an order of fries
~ digorno pizza
~ 12 glasses of water

Saturday -
~ 37 mins treadmill
~ eggbeaters scrambled eggs, bacon, wheat toast, hashbrowns
~ chili rubbed chicken

sobering thoughts

~ It takes a deficit of 3500 calories to burn/lose 1 pound of fat. Since I have 55 lbs to lose, that's 192,500 calories I have to burn.

~ 55 lbs is the weight of an EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY.

~ It takes roughly 2000 calories a day to maintain 195 lbs if you are sedentary.

~ Assuming a 1200 calorie diet with approximately 250 calories burned in exercise, I should be losing one pound every 3 to 4 days.

~ At 3 to 4 days to lose a pound, it will take approximately 220 days, or seven and a third months, or Christmas time.

~ I have a BMI of 33.88 - acceptable range is 20-25.

~ Even if I get down to 140 lbs, my BMI would still be 24.32!

~ Ideally, I should weigh 120-125.

So, now that we're all thoroughly depressed, the other stuff. (45 mins treadmill this morning. Makes for 18 straight days - I think that's right, 18?)

Thursday ~

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ lf bowl of chili
~ Digorno deep dish pizza with wheat chips (double, no triple shame on me!)
~ 12 glasses of water

Thursday

Just another Thursday here. I feel like I'm falling in to a rut. Probably the dreary weather talking. I know habits are a good thing, but ruts aren't so good. I know I'm just getting started here, but I feel worn out already.

I checked with the scrapbook store that's hosting the crop on the 20th to see what the space situation would be. I asked them if I could bring my Navigator tote or if it would be too crowded. The gal told me that I could bring it and should be fine, but they planned on having at least three people, maybe more, per table. Yikes! That's so not going to go over well with my space issues. I mean, it's all I can do to sit next to a stranger in a theater for two hours, never mind TWO strangers for TWELVE hours. Stephen was sweet about it last night. He told me that he'd call me 15 mins in to the crop and if I thought I was going to panic and not make it, he'd come get me and make an excuse of an emergency. I hope I don't end up having a panic attack, that would be so embarrassing.

Did 45 on the treadmill this morning. That REALLY feels like a rut.

Wednesday ~

~ 40 mins treadmill
~ salad
~ bowl lf chili
~ 10 glasses of water (should have had more, but I had a diet coke with supper instead of water)

Wednesday

I was so happy to see the scale was still at 195 this morning. I was so afraid I would get up and it would be back up to 200. So, no gain is a good thing! :)

Still fighting the stupid headaches and migraines.

This layout is made from elements/papers from Atomic Cupcake. The quote is one I found on Rhonda Ferrar's blog. I couldn't make her picture large enough to see who to credit the actual quote from, so I'll credit Rhonda and leave it at that.

I did 40 mins on the treadmill this morning. Wanted to do 45, but the power went off and kept blinking. So I used that as an excuse and called 40 as done.

Tuesday ~

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ salad
~ individual microwave digorno pizza with small handful of wheat chips
~ 15 glasses of water

down 3!!

The rest of my day may end up in the gutter, but it started off on a great note. I got up and weighed before getting on the treadmill (45 mins) and I was thrilled to see I'm down 3 lbs! What a great surprise that was!

Last night was pretty much a bust. I came home and started to preheat the oven for supper. Stephen came home and informed me his trainer told him that he's eating too many calories and that he could only have two bagels for supper, so not to bother cooking. Okay. Great. Now why is it that when I told him he should only be eating 2000-2200 calories a day, he wouldn't believe me but when his trainer told him the same thing, he'll listen to him? Duh Stephen! He told me his trainer told him no more than 2200, but Stephen told him he would do 2500. Must be nice. If I eat more than 1000-1100, I gain weight! So, I warmed up a bowl of lf chili and that was that. I picked out two Becky Higgins sketch layouts for some photos I had but that was it. My head was killing me by then, so getting anything else done wasn't going to happen. And of course when I tried to get to sleep, my head was hurting too bad to sleep. And naturally I have a headache already this morning. *sigh*

But at least I'm down to 195! :)

Monday ~

~ 42 mins treadmill
~ salad
~ lf bowl of chili
~ one Hershey's kiss
~ 10 glasses of water

Monday's should be outlawed

I hate Monday's. I hate the first day back at work, the prospect that it will be 5 whole days before I can sleep in and do something I want to do for more than a half hour. I wish I could convince my bosses to let me go to four 10 hr days. I know they'd never go for it, but it sure would be nice. I could come in at 7, work thru lunch, leave at 5 and have Monday's off. Ah to dream.

I watched Grey's this morning while I walked. I overslept and was afraid I couldn't get it in before I had to get in the shower to get to work. I squeezed it in tho, along with 42 mins of walking. Someone commented that they couldn't walk as long as I do because they would be bored. If I don't have a tv show saved on tivo, I get bored too. I've also flipped thru a magazine or read a book if I don't have something to watch. No way I could just walk without something to distract my brain.

I'm going to have to tighten up. I splurged and had a SkinnyCow ice cream treat yesterday - 2.5 g of fat and 150 calories. This morning I had gained a half a lb. Not how I wanted to start the new month. *sigh*

Sunday ~

~ 50 mins treadmill
~ veggie fajitas and a few wheat chips
~ chicken tenders and steak fries, both baked in the oven
~ Skinny Cow ice cream treat (which tasted very, very good)

down one and May mini goal

I'm down a pound today. Yeah. Too tired to get excited. My head is killing me, AGAIN. *sigh*

Got up at 7:15 this morning. Ran to the store, came home and did 50 mins on the treadmill. I might have overdone it a little, my hips are killing me again. Oh well, the throbbing of my hips is in tempo with the pounding of my head.

Trying to preplan, but it's so darn hard to do when your head hurts.

Saturday ~

~ 45 mins treadmill
~ scrambled eggs (with egg beaters), bacon, hashbrowns, and wheat toast
~ bowl of lf chili

MINI GOAL:

I've done a lot of thinking on this, and while it may be unrealistic, I want to be down 15 lbs by May 31st. That would put me at 183. 15 may be too much for 31 days, but I've got to get this weight off and if I don't push myself I'm not going to get it done. So 15 it is.

Saturday

Pretty lazy day today. I've been fighting headaches and migraines all week, and today is no different. I got up early and did 45 mins on the treadmill this morning. Still at 199. When Stephen got up we made a quick run to the dump to get rid of a ton of leaves and brush from the yard. Came home, got cleaned up and made a nice breakfast even if I do say so myself. We've been watching the draft all day. I've got my headache down to a dull roar, so I'm trying to preplan some pages. It's been dreary, windy and drizzling off and on all day. Supposed to storm over night and tomorrow. Maybe I can preplan some more.

Friday ~

~ 35 mins treadmill
~ roast beef sandwich, half an order of fries
~ two sips of a yogart smoothie (just didn't care for it, tasted like cherry pepto - gag!)
~ bowl of low fat chili
~ plain popcorn

It's Friday!

And thank heavens! The first week back to work after a vacation is SOOOO hard! I'm so glad this week is almost finally over.

I was able to register for the crop. I'm very excited about it. But also a little nervous. I don't like crowds and suffer ever so mildly from claustrophobia in large crowds. I need to get started planning tho. It's from 8 to 8! Thank goodness I don't live far from the store - if I have to run home to get something I can. I'm trying to decide how much to pack and take with me. I'm not sure how much space we'll be allowed, so I don't know if I could take my Navigator or not. 22 days and counting!

It was litterally all I could do to drag myself out of bed this morning. I still can't seem to get enough sleep. And I went to bed at 10 last night. I finally convinced myself to get up and did 35 mins on the treadmill. My knee and hip were hurting a little. I'm hoping it doesn't start getting worse.

Thursday ~

~ 37 mins treadmill
~ spaghetti
~ grilled chicken breast, mashed potatoes & green beans, and a wheat roll
~ 11 glasses of water (I'm so glad I've finally been able to get this up over 8!)

TGIF!!

I made it!!!

I did it, I made my mini goal. This morning the scales read 199. I didn't think I was going to do it, esp after my pity party the other night and near binge. So I'll do some thinking and see what my goal for May will be. I don't want to be unrealistic, but I also want to challenge myself. If I don't get this weight off, it's going to kill me. I have to say, I'm not thrilled to only lose 11 lbs in 31 days. That's just not going to get it done. But at least I am losing instead of gaining. So here's a review of the last 31 days:

~ walked 22 days (Have to get this up higher than that!)
~ gave up sugar drinks (just water or diet soda all month)
~ lost 11 lbs
~ walked every day for the last 10 days

Yesterday was Secretary's Day. No PC title for it from me. Because my bosses do think of us as just that - secretaries. And that was even more evident than usual yesterday because they forgot Secretary's Day. They've forgotten 4 out of the last 6 years. How pathetic is that? So I'm telling the girls tomorrow afternoon, we are forgetting boss's day in October!

Oh, did 37 mins on the treadmill this morning.

Wednesday ~

~ 33 mins on treadmill
~ small salad (about half of what I'd been eating)
~ cheeseburger and lf Healthy Choice hotdog

survival

I survived the night without a binge. I was in a really bad place. And it hurt even worse because Stephen blew me off. He said I just thought I was hungry and that the carbs in the spaghetti caused me to feel hungry. He really hurt my feelings. Instead of being supportive, giving me words of encouragement, he made me feel worthless and unimportant. So after a good cry, I went to bed and suffered alone.

Today isn't much better. I'm feeling really down, really blue. Like I haven't a friend in the world. Must be the hormones.

Another gray, nasty day. I did get 33 mins in on the treadmill this morning and a load of laundry done before work. AND I went to Wal-Mart to buy my ungrateful husband a case of bottled water because he's too impatient to wait for his glass to fill in the fridge. Yeah, yeah, I know. I can't live without him. But after days like last night, I sometimes wonder why I think that. LOL!

Tuesday ~

~ 40 mins on treadmill
~ Oatmeal breakfast thing
~ 1 lf chicken bean roll
~ spaghetti

struggling

I'm struggling. I'm really having issues tonight. I'm craving sweets, carbs, anything I shouldn't have. I think part of it is I had a migraine this afternoon. It's gone now, and I'm ravenous. I had a big supper, more than I should have, but I'm still hungry. "hungry" Ha! I'm not really hungry, I'm just feeling depressed and deprived. I'm so tired and frustrated. Maybe a good cry would do the trick. :(

Why is it?

~ that some people just don't get it? I work with a girl who is sweet as can be, but she's got to be either one of the laziest people I've ever known or one of the most absent minded. She'll take a message, not get the person's name who called OR the phone number. Why can't she get this?

~ that some people think the rules don't apply to them? I work with another girl who breaks the company rules left and right and flaunts that she does. Brags about it. And then replies with "they'll let you if you tell them what you want to do." ah, no, they don't. I've asked and was told that they can't break the rules for me because then why even bother having rules.

~ that no matter how much we give, someone always wants more?

~ that my inlaws wait until the last possible minute to spring things on us, and then act put out if we already have plans?

Sure as heck didn't feel like it (I can't seem to get enough sleep lately, no matter how early I get to bed) but I did 40 mins on the treadmill this morning. Still waiting and hoping for that last lb for the mini goal to disappear. 5 more days. *sigh*

I'm waiting anxiously for Thursday. I found out last week the local scrapbook store is having an all day crop on May 20th. I've never been to one, and would really love to go to this one. Stephen has to work, so the timing would be perfect. Plus the gal told me the goodie bag is simply awesome, lots of stuff, new stuff, and way more than our crop fee. They won't take sign ups until Thursday. I have to work. I'm going to try to call as soon as they open and see if they'll take my debit card to register me via phone. I really would love to go. *sigh*

Monday ~

~ 30 mins on the treadmill
~ salad for lunch (I'm really getting burned out on salads)
~ spaghetti
~ ONE hershey's kiss

blah!

Back at work, and man, do I wish I was home. I hate coming back to work after time off. My desk is always covered and everyone has a hundred different questions they want answered. I don't know how I'm supposed to get caught up by the end of the week. I hope I don't have to come in and work after hours, but it may come down to that. It all has to be done before the end of the week because of month end next Monday. *ugh*

I did manage to drag myself out of bed this morning and do 30 mins on the treadmill. I didn't feel like it, not at all. I was hurting and so tired I could barely put one foot in front of the other. But I did it. I am proud to say that makes seven days in a row I've walked. Now to get that scale moving.

Sunday ~

~ 30 (or was it 32?) mins on the treadmill
~ nasty gross cup of yogart
~ veggie fajitas
~ 2 lf chicken bean roll, handful of wheat chips

Sunday

We had more rain today. I know we need it, desperately, but rain is so depressing. I did manage to drag myself out of bed by 7:30 and do 30 mins on the treadmill. I should have done 40, but I'm still a little out of sorts from giving blood. Still down to 200 tho. :)

Stephen has been playing video games most of the weekend. I haven't done much myself either. Been a pretty lazy weekend. Dreading getting back in to the work week tomorrow. We did go for a stroll around the park with Belle last night after supper. The weather was just too nice after all the rain.

Saturday ~

~ 32 mins on treadmill
~ egg beater scrambled eggs with toast and hashbrowns
~ cheeseburger and fries
~ ONE, yes ONE hershey's kiss

Happy Saturday! down 2 lbs!

I was so happy to see the scales down to 200 this morning. I can actually only take credit for ONE of those two tho. We went to donate blood last night and the lady who drew my blood told me to be sure to weight this morning because giving a pint of blood makes you lose one lb. Makes sense to me, but I'm still counting it! :)

I did something really boneheaded this week, and it really pissed me off. I sent a dvd back to Netflix that we hadn't even watched yet! What the heck was I thinking? I went to get it last night to watch and I had the one we'd already seen. Idiot. So now I have to wait about a week for the one I should have sent back to get to them and a replacement to get back to me. Ugh!

I guess it's going to be a lazy Saturday. Stephen is still asleep. It's too wet to mow. He did promise that he'd get the riding lawn mower ready to go today. I think I'm going to go hop on the treadmill. Maybe scrap a little later on.

Friday ~

~ 40 mins on treadmill
~ Quaker Oatmeal breakfast bar
~ roast beef sandwich, half an order of fries
~ cheeseburger and hotdog (from Stephen grilling Thursday night)

the Friday I didn't want to see get here

It's the last day of my vacation, and that's always a sad day to see arrive. But, it's also a good day, because I am down one more lb.

Last night, I was craving chocolate. Or at least I thought I was. I had some Hershey's hugs stashed away. I got 5 out of the jar. Had two and you know what, while they smelled heavenly, they didn't even really taste that good to me. Yahoo!!!

I'm going to get my hair cut today. I'm going to ask him if he could recommend another hair color. I'm not so sure I want to stay my natural red anymore. Red kind of has a nasty taste to me now.

Did 40 mins again this morning. I hope I can keep that up once I get back to work next week.

Thursday ~

~ 40 mins treadmill
~ salad
~ grilled chicken breast, bite of rib and turkey, baked potato
~ TWO Hershey's kisses (I know it's silly, but I'm so proud of myself for resisting!) :)

Thursday review

I'm hoping I've gotten back on track. For two days now the scale has been back down those two lbs I had gained back. So I'm still needing 4 lbs by the 30th to make my mini goal. Not looking good.

I did 40 mins on the treadmill this morning. Did 33 yesterday and 32 Tuesday. We worked in the yard some more yesterday, put out a microscopic garden. I hope we have at least a few tomatoes after all that work. Stephen is back at work so I've had a really lazy day.

This is a very plain layout. But I'm proud of it because I made the paper and tag for this one. I used a brush I had downloaded and altered it to make the embossed paw print. I wish I had more talent when it comes to design.

Tuesday -

~ 32 mins on treadmill
~ 2 pancakes & 2 hashbrowns
~ serving of chili rubbed chicken (frozen meal - and it was delish!)

Wednesday -

~ 33 mins on treadmill
~ breakfast (I made scrambled eggs with egg beaters, bacon and hashbrowns. Shame!)
~ veggie fajitas
~ small blizzard

Catch up

Been busy this weekend. Saturday we got up and worked in the yard for four hours. I was totally and completely beat. Sunday we went out to eat with the inlaws and it was just as bad as I feared. Stephen's nephew was a brat, as usual. And my sister in law showed up with dyed red hair. I don't know why, but it really ticked me off - I'm a natural red head and I'm now thinking of bleaching my hair blonde! Monday we painted the living room - chocolate - and painted the trim to be put up. I didn't walk any of those three days. Shame on me. But after yard work and standing and painting all day, I was too sore to move. I've tried to be good on food but Saturday wasn't so good. Today is Stephen's last day off, so we're going to put the trim up and then just take it easy. Assuming he gets up at some point today.

This layout was a BOM challenge. The papers, ribbon and button are from Amy -http://digitallydesigned.blogspot.com/ -and the tag is from Lauren Bavin.

Friday -

~ 33 mins on treadmill
~ SMALL plate of Chinese food
~ lf chicken bean roll

Saturday -

~ cheeseburger and tots
~ spaghetti
~ small turtlette blizzard :(

Sunday -

~ Dimitri's chicken (lunch out with inlaws)
~ homemade pizza
~ oatmeal bar

Monday -

~ oatmeal bar
~ lf chicken bean roll
~ mini frozen pizza with chips

Gotta get back on track. No way I'm going to make my mini goal if I keep this up. :(

PLUS two pounds :(

Imagine my horror and dismay when I discovered I had gained two pounds this morning. I'm crushed. I've been doing so good, watching what I eat, trying to increase my water, and I gain back two lbs. And it can't be muscle, I haven't been at it long enough. So I guess I'm going to have to cut back even further on my food. I'm so not looking forward to being hungry all the time. *sigh* Words cannot express how demoralized and disheartened I am.

Here's a weight loss layout. The quote is from Rhonda Ferra's 21 day challenge - http://rhonnafarrer.typepad.com/dreamy/ and the papers are from Atomic Cupcake - http://atomiccupcake.com/.


I did 33 mins on the treadmill this morning. I would have walked longer but I had to run some errands before work.

Thursday

~ 35 mins on the treadmill
~ tuna sandwhich and Wheat Sun Chips
~ two lf chicken bean rolls

another one bites the dust!

At the risk of jinxing myself, I stepped on the scales this morning. I know I shouldn't weigh myself more than once a week. But if I start gaining weight, I want to know immediately so I can start cutting back on my food. So I was thrilled to see I was down another pound this morning. That leaves three to my mini goal. Wait, I just reread my mini goal, and it's conflicted. It says UNDER 200, yet lists the wrong number of lbs to GET to under 200. So three lbs will get me TO 200, so I hope to lose four lbs before the end of the month.

Stephen is really dedicated to working out. He's gone every afternoon after work to the gym for 4 1/2 weeks now. I'm very proud of him. He doesn't go on the weekends, but he's up to an hour of cardio work each day now. I feel like a slouch with my lousy 35 mins this morning. But until I can start getting up when he gets up, that's about all I have time for.

I found a yogart I can tolerate. I don't love it, but it's okay. It's called Orange Cream, and is supposed to taste like an Orange Cream ice cream. It doesn't, but I can choke it down. The label said "aids in weight loss". How's that? Just another gimic to sell yogart?

Wednesday ~

~ 32 mins on the treadmill
~ cup of yogart
~ cheeseburger and tater tots for lunch
~ grilled chicken breast, two bites of turkey and a baked potato
~ 3 mini cadbury eggs (these are gone now too, yeah!)

gray Wednesday

Another dreary day here. I can't wait for summer and nice weather. All these clouds are depressing.

About a week ago, we were in line in Wal-Mart. A lady was in front of us with what I assume was her daughter and the daughter's two boys. (The boys called the younger woman mom) I was appalled by what the younger woman was wearing. Her jeans were so low on her hips that you could see too much. And while she was skinny, she had horrible stretchmarks all across her hips and stomach. Her shirt barely covered her bra. Now tell me, why does someone think that ANYONE wants to see her scarred skin?! Heck, why does she think anyone would want to see that much skin at Wal-Mart?! She was clearly dressed to be going out to a bar or a club, which our small town doesn't have. Stephen was embarrassed and took his glasses off so he wouldn't have to see her flaunt herself like that. Heaven help me if we ever have a child because there is NO WAY I will allow them to dress like that as long as I'm paying the bills.

I went home early yesterday with my migraine. I finally called it quits and gave up. My head finally quit hurting and I was able to get some sleep last night. I got up and did 32 mins on the treadmill. I think I was half asleep while I was walking.

Tuesday ~

~ 33 mins on the treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ salad for lunch
~ spaghetti for supper
~ handful of sweet tarts (which are gone! Yeah! No more temptation!)

Another pound gone!

Imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scales this morning and had lost another pound. After the lack of walking and poor food choices, I was stunned to see I'm now down a total of 6 lbs. This leaves me 4 to lose for my mini goal.

I walked for 33 mins this morning, even tho I didn't feel like it. I woke up with a headache and now, I'm sorry to say, it's looking more and more like a migraine. Ugh!

Busy day today at work. I have a ton of regular stuff to do plus a mass mailing that has to be finished before I leave for vacation. Hard to concentrate on work when your head is pounding like a drum.

Monday ~

~ no treadmill :(
~ Quaker oats breakfast bar
~ salad for lunch
~ grilled chicken breast and two bites of grilled turkey, baked potato
~ handful of those sweet tarts again. :(

sunny Monday

It's Monday, again. *sigh*

I had a pretty busy weekend. Friday night was stormy. Again. The worst of it missed us. Stephen got called in to work Friday night. They had a lightning strike and the computers were down. The guy whose job it is to be on call when the boss is out of town wouldn't do squat to fix the problem. Big surprise there.

Stephen had to work Saturday. I got up, did 33 mins on the treadmill. I did a very slow "jog" for 2 mins three times during that 33 mins. Then I cleaned the house. I got cleaned up, rented a movie and enjoyed the rest of my afternoon.

Sunday I didn't walk. I should have. Stephen put his second curio together in the game room and I finished a stupid book that someone had recommended to me. It was terrible. I cleaned up the grill, and once Stephen was done with the curio, he grilled for us. We have enough leftovers for the whole week. I love that.

Didn't walk this morning either. The weather is changing, again, and my sinuses were full and hurting. I'm never going to lose the weight this way. *double sigh*

Saturday ~

~ 33 mins on the treadmill
~ lf bagle
~ chicken fajitas

Sunday ~

~ veggie fajitas
~ small chicken breast, small rib, two bites of turkey and a small baked potato
~ no treadmill :(

TGIF!

Thank goodness it's Friday! It's sad, but I live for Fridays. Wishing my life away, a week at a time.

I was bad this morning. I didn't get up and walk. Even tho I went to bed early, I was so darn tired. My head was hurting (I think it's the nasty, stormy weather) so I didn't force myself to get up. I should have, really, esp since I was so bad on the food yesterday. But I did go ahead and step on the scales, largely to see if I was still down my original 4 lbs, and I'm down one more lb to 5 total. So now I only have 5 to go to reach my mini goal. I'm going to try my best to walk when I get home tonight, but no promises.

No real plans for the weekend. I hope to clean the house and maybe work on my scrapping a little. It's supposed to clear off some time tomorrow, but I think it will still be too wet to mow the yard. It's looking really nasty and needs a good clip.

Thursday ~

~ lf bagel
~ small heath blizzard (bad Sussann!!)
~ bowl of soup
~ handful of sweet tart bunnies and chickens and ducks (double bad!!)

mini goal #1

Okay, so I've thought about this for a while this morning. I think I've settled on a first mini goal. So here goes:

By April 30th - get under 200 lbs. This will give me 24 days to lose 6 lbs. That's a little less than 2 lbs a week. I'd like to think I can do it quicker than this, but I don't want to be unrealistic.

I also need to increase my water consumption. So by April 30th, I need to be up to 10 glasses of water a day. 80 oz. I can do that, right?

April Showers....

I woke up to a gentle sprinkle hitting the window this morning. It's so hard for me to get up when it's raining like that. I laid there, kept thinking just five more minutes. It's been raining off and on all morning - the good kind of rain, the nurishing rain that makes everything so lush and green this time of year.

I was thinking last night, I totally love the way we rearranged the furniture upstairs this weekend. What was once a cramped living room is open and inviting. I think a lot of it has to do with taking down the curtains in that room. We have a huge picture window in addition to a regular window in that room. I loved the curtains and rods that were in there - Stephen hated them, naturally. So I took them down to wash this weekend and the next thing I knew, he had taken the rods and hardware down off the walls! So I couldn't put the curtains back up if I wanted to. But shhhh, don't tell, I don't want to! I love how light the room is now, how open. It's amazing how subtracting from a room can make things look so much better. Now to get some fresh paint on those walls. We painted Tender Taupe in that room in 2000. I thought I was being so bold with that color. I've since discovered color on walls is a good thing, and that it won't run off potential buyers. So we're going to go with a brown in that room. Something rich and inviting. While I hate painting with a passion, I can't wait to get it done.

I did 30 mins on the treadmill this morning. A friend sent me some exercises to try for my hip. Thank you Cindy! I'm hoping they will help and I can increase my time walking soon. Such a long road ahead of me. Sometimes it seems impossible. I think I need to set mini goals to keep from losing perspective. I'll need to do some thinking on that.

Wednesday ~

~ lf bagel
~ salad for lunch
~ two lf chicken bean rolls

HHD!

Wendesday. Halfway thru the week. Only 7 1/2 more work days until I'm on vacation. I'm SOOOO ready for a vacation. Seems like forever since I was off in November last year.

I managed 30 mins on the treadmill this morning. My hips were feeling better for the most part. I have no idea what's up with that. Makes zero sense to me.

I wasn't sure if I should post this, I'm half afraid of jinxing myself, but I have to tell someone. And since Stephen has already lost TEN pounds, I can't tell him. I weighed yesterday and again this morning, to be sure. I've lost four pounds. I know it's not even a drop in the bucket, but after being so disheartened at not losing any at all, this is a huge boost for me. I just did the math. It's 5% of what I want to lose. *sigh* At least those stupid scales moved, right?

Tuesday ~
~ 24 mins on the treadmill
~ lf bagel
~ a cheese ravioli lean cuisine meal
~ wheat spaghetti for supper
~ and as a treat, 3 mini cadbury eggs.

Tuesday

Well, I got back on the treadmill this morning. I didn’t think I was going to make it, but I finally dragged myself out of bed (15 mins later than I SHOULD have gotten up) and did 24 mins on the treadmill. I don’t know if I could have done more even if I had gotten up earlier. My GOOD hip is now hurting worse than my bad hip. I HAVE to get this weight off some way, some how before it kills me.

Last night was pretty lazy. I was too tired to walk when I got home, so I made burgers on the Foreman grill and we watched a dvd. I had hoped to work on a layout, either digital or traditional, but I just didn’t get to it. *sigh*

Monday ~

~ no treadmill :(

~ salad for lunch

~ cheeseburger and tater tots for supper

just another Monday

I am depressed. Couldn't get up this morning. The time change and waking up at 4:30 Sunday really has hurt me. I should have walked this morning, but I just couldn't get out of bed. And I REALLY should have walked because I stepped on the stupid scales. I haven't lost an ounce! I'm so sad. I was afraid I was going to have to starve myself to make this work, but I'm just not there yet. *sigh*

We had some really high winds and thunderstorms yesterday and last night. Thankfully we didn't have any damage.

Sunday -

~ no treadmill. :(
~ cold pizza for lunch
~ wheat chips for a snack
~ two LF chicken bean rolls :(

Man, just even writing that is depressing. I swear some days life just sucks.

worn out & time change

That's it. I'm frazzled. Worn out. Tee-totally. I got up about 8 yesterday and as soon as Stephen got up, we started working. Had a super quick breakfast and took the old couch to the dump. Thankfully we'd loaded it the night before - I say we, but it was actually Stephen and a friend from work. Stephen and I were struggling to get the thing in the truck (it was so heavy - it was 8 feet long with a recliner in each end) when one of his friends from work drove by. Thank heaven's he did, or we'd still be struggling with it. So we dumped that, came home, loaded up some junk, an empty box, some brush, an old computer case and ran back to the dump. Came home, moved the love seat from upstairs to down. Moved the couch and loveseat (BOTH with recliners!) upstairs. Moved the recliners. Started rearranging the furniture in the upstairs living room. Got it mostly the way we want it. Put a video cabinet together. Just waiting for Stephen to wire everything back up. We want to paint in that room, but it will have to wait til I'm off on vacation. We also went to Lowe's and priced those window shutter treatments. About $800 for the two windows in that room. Ouch!! For some reason I will never understand Stephen hates the curtains and rods that are in that room. Oh well. Finally called it quits about 8pm last night. Was bad, we had pizza for supper. But at we didn't eat lunch, so at least it was better than it could have been. I didn't have the energy to walk. Not sure if I will today or not. I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. So I'm up and at it, with only 4 1/2 hrs of sleep. LOVE that it will be daylight still once I get home from work. HATE getting up in the dark tho. Oh well.

Happy Sunday!

Friday -
~32 mins on the treadmill
~bagel for breakfast
~cup of Mexican veggie soup and half a pimento cheese sandwich, 4 or 5 potato chips
~two low fat chicken bean rolls (I know, shame on me!!)


Saturday -
~Breakfast burrito from Sonic
~one french toast stick
~pizza for supper, no lunch.
~no treadmill :( {BUT I was on my feet moving for about 12 hrs straight}

Thanks, and a wet Friday

but still a Friday! :)

First, the thanks. I did a very, very small favor for a friend a few weeks back. She thanked me, I told her I was more than happy to do it, and never gave it a second thought. I came home one night this week to a package from her. She'd sent me a thank you card and some lovely goodies. It was so unnecessary and so totally unexpected, but it totally made my day. How sweet that she thought enough of the tiny favor I did her to do that in return for me.

So, it's raining here. Blah! I got up this morning and did 32 mins on the treadmill. My hip is hurting already. Guess I over did it. I had hoped that since I was feeling better I was past that. Guess again. But I did it, I walked every week day this week. I don't plan on walking tomorrow. I hope to do some work in the yard and rearranging of furniture in the house instead. We'll see if any of it gets done.

just a quick WooHoo!

I was dog tired when I got home from work but I forced myself to do 28 mins on the treadmill. Yeah!!

~ 28 mins on treadmill
~ low fat chicken bean roll for lunch
~ bowl of super noodle casserole for supper

:)

should have posted Wednesday

but it was a long, long day. By the time I got home from class I was too tired to post. I got up at 5:30. Managed to walk on the treadmill and still get to my class on time. Considering I had to eat fast food, I think I managed to do pretty good.

One of the ladies in the class hurt my feelings. Big surprise there. She asked me when my baby was due. Considering I had to sit behind the fat hag (yes, she was very over weight too!) the rest of the day, I bit my tongue and just said, oh I'm not pregnant and changed the subject. Why in heaven's name do people think it's okay to ask questions like that?! Maybe I should have countered with "when is your baby due you fat witch?" But in the spirit of killing her with kindness, I didn't say a word. *sigh*

Soooo, Tuesday's day ended up like this:

~ 25 mins on the treadmill
~ a bagel for breakfast
~ a salad for lunch
~ a low fat chicken bean roll for supper
~ four wheat crackers with reduced fat peanut butter

Then Wednesday:

~ 25 mins on the treadmill
~ a bagel for breakfast
~ a roast beef and cheddar sandwich with a few fries for lunch
~ a chocolate chip cookie (they had them in the seminar room, and I know I should have resisted!)
~ a low fat chicken bean roll for supper with a small serving of wheat Sunchips
~ two wheat crackers with reduced fat peanut butter

I should have walked this morning but I woke up with a headache and just couldn't force myself out of bed. Maybe I can walk when I get home from work. Heaven knows I need to!

Tuesday, blue Tuesday

I'm sorry to say my blue mood is persisting. I can't seem to shake it. Maybe today will be a better day, right? Last night didn't help any. Stephen decided he wanted to watch Family Guy again. I left the room.

I walked on the treadmill yesterday and again this morning. I'm hoping and praying I can get in to some sort of routine, do something to get moving. I don't know if I'll be able to get up early enough tomorrow to walk before work. I have to leave the house by 6:40 because I have a meeting out of town tomorrow all day. That means I'd need to get up at 5:30 to walk, and I don't know if I can do that.

Here's how yesterday broke down:

~ 25 mins on the treadmill
~ a low fat brown sugar cinnamon bagel for breakfast
~ a salad for lunch
~ spaghetti for supper

Not too bad, considering. I even managed to just drink water and diet sodas, so that was a good thing. We'll see how today goes. I know tomorrow I will be bad with the food because I have to eat on the road. They only give us 45 mins for lunch, so that limits where I can eat - fast food.

Hurt feelings

I debated about blogging this, but maybe it will help me feel better about what happened. I know I'm being silly, but words and actions hurt, and I'm only human and can't help that Stephen hurt me.

He is a big cartoon fan, watches the Simpsons and Family Guy religiously, among other shows. Family Guy last night was about the wife gaining weight. They had a pregnancy scare, and the wife told the husband he had to get a vasectomy. So the husband lost interest in sex and the wife felt neglected and turned to food. So as the wife got fatter, the husband began insulting her. Really ugly, hateful stuff. Stephen laughed hysterically at it. Thought it was the funniest thing in the world. And it hurt my feelings.

I am fat. Obese. Whatever you want to call it, I'm it. I know I'm fat, but I also know I'm weak. I lost a bunch of weight in 1999, only to gain every single pound and then some back after my father died. Now Stephen isn't skinny either. He has joined a gym to try to lose his weight just recently. So he's aware he's not skinny either. So why did I feel that every time he laughed, he was laughing at me? That he was seeing ME, that he was thinking of our marriage and how I'm not attractive any more. That he wished I would lose weight so he woulndn't be ashamed of me. I know if I try to talk to him about it, he'll deny it and tell me I'm being overly sensative. And I'm sure I am being overly sensative. But he hurt my feelings and I know he'll never admit he might have been inconsiderate in what he did.

So now here I sit, wallowing in self pity, upset with my husband, bitter because I'm so weak and lazy. Crushed to think that Stephen might be thinking those horrible things about me, and worse, knowing they're true. What a way to start a week....

Layout with Amy's Rakscrap freebie

Here's a layout using Amy's Rakscrap freebie - you can see Amy's awesome work at http://digitallydesigned.blogspot.com/. I'm not sure I did her fabulous kit justice with my layout, but I really enjoyed using it.

Kind of a lazy day weekend. I woke up Saturday morning with my hip hurting pretty bad. I had to get up and put the heat pad on it. We didn't make it to the dump to throw away the couch. Just too darn tired and Stephen's back hurt.

We had GC's to Applebee's, so we ate a late lunch/early supper. Yummy.

Today was another lazy day. Watched a dvd and now I'm waiting on supper to finish. I'm making Super Noodle Casserole. Pretty tasty. Plus I love anything that gives me leftovers for the week. I have to go to a continuing education class this week, so it will be nice to not have to worry about supper since I'll probably get home late.

TGIF!!

Man what a long week! I'm so thankful it's Friday.

The weather is still messed up here. It's cold and mostly cloudy today. I saw a few rays of sunshine on my way in to work this morning and I was so excited. Then the clouds crept back in.

I wanted to do some digital scrapping this week but just didn't get to it. I did however sew a shrug last night and finish a couple of clipboards for some friends. The pocket will hold recipe cards. The second picture shows the "recipe for a happy home" card that goes with it. I hope they like them.



Nothing really major planned for this weekend. I think we're going to take an old beat up couch to the dump. Maybe buy some paint for the upstairs living room. Maybe just watch a movie. We haven't been to the show in a long, long time, and I'd kind of like to go check out a show.

Speaking of checking things out, if you get a chance, go check out my friend Amy's blog - http://digitallydesigned.blogspot.com/. She does incredible digital work, I think you'll enjoy her blog.

TGIF!!

First day of spring

First day of spring? What a joke! I woke to 36 degrees and buckets of rain. 36 degrees! Is it no wonder I feel like crap today?

I really need to hit the powerball....I'd love to be a SAH.....uh, wife....but unless we hit the lotto, that won't be happening any time soon. It was all I could do to get up this morning and drag my sorry rear end to work. I kept thinking, just 5 more mins, just 5 more minutes. *sigh*

I'm searching for a crochet pattern for a shrug or bolero. I love the look of these, unfortunately they don't seem to make them in plus sizes. I'm hoping I can make one and pass it off as store bought. My sewing and crocheting skills aren't the best, but hey, I enjoy it. Usually. LOL!

Someone please pass quitting time....this weather is killing my head!

Quick layout

This is a quick layout of our puppy. She's not a puppy any more, she'll be 12 in August. But this was right after we rescued her from the pound. The kit elements are from JPotts.....I'm sorry I didn't take better notes to give more proper credit.

Pretty lazy Sunday. I worked my behind off yesterday. We watched A History of Violence. Very graphic movie, but very good. Stephen is grilling, I've popped some potatoes in the microwave to go with the Hawaii ribs and chicken breasts he's making. He didn't get home from work last night til midnight, so we're both pretty beat. Dreading going back to work tomorrow.

Wednesday stuff

sudoko - a friend directed me to a sudoko website. I've always been intrigued by these puzzles, but never been able to figure it out on paper. The website makes it so easy for some reason.

digital stuff - are you gals buying kits or relying on the freebies? I'm soooo tempted to buy a few things that are out there right now, I'll not find a place to stop! LOLAS!

rude people - what is it with rude people? I swear Monday at work, every person I spoke to on the phone was in a bad mood or just plain rude. I hate rude people. And people who lie. Seems like more and more people are lying these days. Oh how I long for a simpler time when a person's "word" meant something.

traffic devices - but when did stop signs and red lights become a suggestion instead of a law? Seems like every stop sign or red light I approach - someone is running it. Are we ALL really in that big of a hurry?

tax time

Man, do I hate tax season. I have to start working on taxes for the office in January. I have to go to the account for the office in February because the corporate tax filing deadline is March 15th. Our normally fast accountant didn't get ours done as quick as he usually does. He called me yesterday saying he still needed info from me.....info that I emailed him on February 8th.....and that he'd try his best to finish them in time for the filing deadline. Ugh!!

I found out last week that the guy who does our personal taxes wouldn't do ours this year because he was "closing his tax business early". Excuse me? He won't return our phone calls for two weeks and now we've called too late? Now our personal taxes aren't that hard, it's just worth the $35 we pay him to have his name at the bottom of our return - just in case. So, Friday night I sat down with the forms I downloaded from the web and figured our taxes. Then I bought a piece of tax software to double check myself. I am very happy to say this is the first time in 12 yrs of marriage that we don't OWE! What a relief. Of course when you hold out almost double with amount the withholding table tells you to, you'd better not owe!!

Today I'm mailing off all the taxes, for work and for us and I couldn't be happier. It's like a weight has been lifted off me. For the first time in almost 3 months I don't have that hanging over my head. I'm not tense about the taxes, I'm not stressed, I'm not in a panic that the account won't get them to us in time, I'm done, done, DONE! YEAH!!!

Can you tell, I hate tax time? :)

second digital layout

So this is my second digital layout. This kit was from RakScraps - part of their July Mega Kit last year. These particular elements were from KJenson. Many thanks for the great kit.

We decided to have Stephen's family over for the Fourth for the fireworks display and some burgers for supper. Stephen did a fantastic job grilling and it was nice to eat out on the deck. I couldn't resist the cake from Wal-Mart. Who can bake something that nice for that little money?

spring storms

It hailed last night. Being in the insurance business, I panic every time it storms or hails. Thankfully, while it was a lot of hail, it was about the size of a green pea, so it didn't do any damage. It could have been so much worse. A tornado supposedly touched down in a neighboring county. We've had some reports of shingles blown off roofs, but we were so very, very lucky. Every time we come through a storm without severe damage I'm so grateful.

But, I didn't sleep last night. I was worried that maybe the hail was bigger in other parts of the county. That maybe the wind was worse than at our house. So I'm dog tired today. I could use a nap so bad. And the day isn't even half over yet. *sigh*

I hope this spring is a mild one. I hope this was our only big storm of the season. I'm not holding my breath tho.

dreary

Well, it's dreary here today. Rain, storms, some bad storms maybe. Suits my mood perfectly. Wish I was home in bed asleep. Or scrapping. Or reading. Or just any where but at work. And the day is dragging soooooo slow.....I feel like I've been here three days just since 8am. *sigh* Worse still, they're saying rain and storms all through the weekend. *double sigh*

I've been downloading some digital kits and elements. I hope to try another layout tonight. I need to find a way to get my digital stuff organized. Right now it's just kind of all over the place - some on a cd here, some on a dvd archive, some buried in folders inside of folders inside of folders inside of....well, you get the idea. I need to get organized. And I need to get to scrapping. The last layout I did of 2005 was of the roses Stephen got me for Valentine's day. Now that's a long time ago.

my first digital layout

This is my first attempt at a digital layout. I can't remember if I bought this kit or if it was a free download, so I apologize in advance, but I can't give the creator of the elements credit for it.

I just loved this picture of Annabelle. She may be an old, grey dog, but she still loves her treats and gets excited when she hears the plastic rattle.

on grilling, being lazy, and warm, cozy fires with blankets

Boy, the weekends just seem to fly by. Seems like I was just getting home at 5, just changing clothes, just starting supper and wham, now it's Monday again. Saturday was the first dry, winds-less-than-20 mph weekend day we'd had in two months. So I took advantage of it and fired up the grill. Now I'm not a great griller, in fact, Stephen would tell you I stink at it. But I gave it a shot. He wasn't feeling well and I'd been itching for a grilled chicken breast, so I tried it. It's only the second time I've grilled on my own. The first ended in disaster, which to be fair wasn't entirely my fault! Last fall I decided to grill. It was 97 degrees out and so humid I couldn't get the charcol to light. It was a mess, but lesson learned, you can't grill in 98% humidity.

So I grilled - burgers with bbq sauce, chicken breasts with Emeril's chicken rub seasoning and bbq sauce, steak for Stephen, and a preseasoned turkey breast. The only trouble I ran in to this time was the turkey was frozen and took forever to grill. But man, was it good. Plus I have enough left overs for at least 3 meals this week, and we've already eaten off it twice! :)

Lazy, that was me this weekend. I didn't want to do much of any thing. I should have worked in the flower beds since it was nice. They'll get out of control in no time at all. Stephen would love to dig them up, but I can't bear to part with them, not yet anyway. So I scrapped a little (I almost have a layout done, very simple, but my first layout in MONTHS!), did laundry, stripped the bed, and watched a dvd. Walk the Line. Now I'm not a country music fan and I've never cared for Johnny Cash. But Joaquin Phoenix was completely believable. I was shocked at how much I liked this movie. And I'm also not a Reece Witherspoon fan either.

This weekend we had a fire in the fireplace. Probably the last one before spring officially gets here. It was cold in the house and damp outside. There's nothing quite like a roaring fire to warm the body and soul. I love watching the flames, feeling the heat. Our den is fairly small, so a fire makes it really warm and cozy. Curl up with a blanket, the fire and a good book - can't beat that.


sussann

on screaming kids, Dairy Queen, and date night

This morning a young mother came in to the office with her cute little daughter, probably 2 yrs old. Suddenly, out of nowhere she starts screaming her head off. She's in such a fit that she's arched back over her mother's arm, head pointed straight to the ground, screaming til her face is white. The mother didn't do anything......nothing....nada.....zip....zilch......I wanted so bad to go to the mother and ask if the child was ill. Then I wanted to smack the mother and tell her that she needed to re-evaluate her child-rearing skills because doing nothing, ignoring her bleach-white-no-blood-left-in-her-face, tear-stained daughter wasn't getting it done. Might want to rethink that idea.

Dairy Queen. Love it! I can drive by and add 5 lbs to my waist line. We live in a town where our DQ closes during the winter. So when the last of February rolls around, the air starts buzzing - is it March 1st yet? Are you going the first day it opens? What are you going to get? Our DQ only serves hotdogs and ice cream. I wish they served burgers. I used to work at a DQ Brazier store forever and a day ago. I well remember the blizzards, floats, hard served ice cream, even the breeze (the blizzard made from yogart). I almost always worked the night shift til closing. I had to wash dishes and mop the floors. I hated that. Every one else would break down the machines and drop them at my sink to clean up. I was always the last one to leave because they had already done their part. I remember hot summer nights, driving home at midnight, the windows down to try to cool off (no A/C in my old 1979 Monte Carlo) and stay awake all at the same time. Ah, DQ.....

Tuesday night was Date Night. We hadn't done that in ages. I thought it would be nice to have a special evening either watching a movie or maybe playing a game. Stephen agreed. But after supper, he was too tired to watch the movie. I was crushed. I don't know why I had looked forward to it so much, didn't even realize I was looking forward to it so much, until it fell apart. I felt like I'd been stood up. I don't know why it hurt me so bad, but it did. I was sad for two days. I don't think I'll suggest date night again any time soon.

sussann

oh and can someone tell me why

I can't remember to change the title before I publish? And why can't I change the title AFTER I publish?! Ugh!!

putting away Christmas, finally!

Okay, so I'm really getting in to this now. Two, yes TWO! blog posts in one day. Don't faint!

I came home and decided that I was sick and tired of walking around the Christmas trees and ornament boxes in the dining room and the hall way. Stephen has promised me for two MONTHS that he'd put them away. Has he yet? Noooo, and if I ask him about it? He's tired, he's hurting, he'll do it tomorrow, he'll do it this weekend. Well you know what? Tomorrow is today!

Soooo, I felt so good today I decided I'd do it no matter what the heck happened. I came home, put the Christmas wreath in the attic, put away a couple of rolls of wrapping paper, grabbed a box, couldn't get it up the teeny tiny stairs/opening to the attic. Hmmm, how did I ever get it DOWN from there? Grabbed a tree bag. Couldn't pick it up, but it had a handle in the end, so I dragged it up the attic steps. Yup, dragged. It was so freakin' heavy I could barely move it (and no, I'm not a weakling when it comes to lifting stuff) but I dragged it up and shoved it on a bare spot. Tried to pick up the second tree. Could pick it up, but no handle to PULL it up the stairs. So I tried to carry it up. I couldn't lift it high enough to climb the stairs with it. Soooo, back up and punt.

I searched around and found room in the garage for the tree and the one ornament box that never should have fit in the attic in the first place. Carried the tree all the way down the side of the hill (we have a walkout basement house and the garage is detached), almost in the garage when a bird sh*t in my hair. Huge amount of it......

....if I could have killed that bird I would have made it the most painful, slow death imagineable......

Sooooo, I got the tree in the garage, moved the ornament box, came in, washed my hair not once but TWICE and put a pot of water on to boil for spaghetti. Thank goodness my day started out so nicely because it sure ended in sh*t.


sussann

coffee!

Normally it doesn't effect me. I can have a couple of cups and it's not really any different than a glass of water. Caffeine just doens't normally do much for me. I've always joked I can drink a Mello Yello 5 mins before bedtime and fall right asleep.

For some reason this morning that wasn't the case. I had two cups of Cinnamon Hazelnut coffee. We had an office meeting before work, so I got up a half hour earlier than normal, put a pot of coffee on and got ready. I feel like I could push over a mountain! I feel good for the first time in.....well, in I can't remember how long. My head doesn't hurt, my sinuses aren't pounding to the beat of my heart, my back and hip aren't hurting. I feel normal, well heck, better than normal, I feel GOOD! Really good, and I don't know how to deal with it. But I sure am enjoying it......

sussann

spring in the air?

I thought I'd give this one more try. I've not been in to the whole idea of blogs, but maybe it will help me get thru the days a little easier.

I woke up this morning and, as usual, didn't want to go to work. Then I remembered it was month end, which means I have to go to work. I can't believe it's already March 1st. It seems like Christmas was just last week. I have iris leaves up in my garden and the neighbor has March flowers in bloom. Won't be long before I'll have to start mowing the grass. I like spring, the green starting to show on the trees, the warmer temps. This spring has me worried tho. We've already had 3 days of 70+ temps. It's just too warm. And worse, one day it's 70 and the next it's 30. It's no wonder my head feels like it's going to explode most days. I can't remember the last time I didn't have a headache/migraine of some sort.

You know, the more I think of it, let's skip spring and go straight on to summer!


sussann

A Fall Monday

Hard to believe another Monday has rolled around. Seems like the days are just going faster and fast. We're having a beautiful fall at least. The leaves are gorgeous and it's warmer than normal for this time of year. I don't know that we'll ever get all the leaves up out of our yard. Seems like a never ending battle.

Ever have a day that you feel that no one understands you? And worse, that no one cares to understand you? I'm having one of those. I feel so frustrated, and alone. I feel like no one cares, nor does anyone care to try to see my side of things. Maybe I just should have stayed in bed. *Ü*